Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Surprised (09/06/07)
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TITLE: God is in Control | Previous Challenge Entry
By Fran Cantwell
09/12/07 -
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The company conference was something I had been looking forward to all year long. My husband was going this year for the first time. We were both very excited. It had been a long time since we had gone anywhere without our kids. The conference was in Dallas, Texas, and we were both really looking forward to going.
Everything went well on the flight. Our luggage even showed up, unlike the last flight. We checked into the hotel without a hitch. Then we were invited to go to a special reception. It was like a dream come true.
The company I represented is built on the concept of God first, Family second, Career third, and the Golden Rule. Which is doing unto others, as you would have them do unto you. All year I had prayed for a successful year. With God as my business partner, how could I go wrong?
The evening came for the awards banquet. Everyone was dressed up like they were attending a royal wedding. I felt like I was a princess in a fairy tale. Awards were given for the successes that everyone had incurred throughout the year. Then the time came for the top awards.
The countdown started from number 20, 19, 18, and so on. I knew I had accomplished a lot that year, but no one knew where we were on the scoreboard. The countdown continued, 5, 4, and I expected to be number three. But number 3 was called, and it wasn’t me. When number 2 was someone else, everyone at my table started shouting and cheering.
I have never been so surprised as I was that day when my name was called as the number one in the entire division of the company. Then another surprise came when I won a diamond bumblebee. The third surprise came the next day when I won again for achieving a company record for sales of a certain product in the entire company, consisting of six divisions.
Putting God first in my life, I am sure is the reason my year was so successful. Having the harmony of God first, family second and my career third reduced the stress I felt when I worked for another company. Combined with that philosophy, and daily prayer, God has given me many surprises. What a great feeling to know that God is in control, and is my business partner.
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Be careful of redundancies--your first paragraph could be considerably tightened up. Another thing to re-work is cliches--your title, for example, and the phrase "a dream come true" come to mind. If you've heard the phrase before, others have too, and you want to find a fresher way to write it.
I wish more companies had your company's slogan--it'd sure be a nicer world, wouldn't it?