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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Bold (emotionally) (08/30/07)

TITLE: Man's Stupidity
By Patricia Williams
09/06/07


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Manís Stupidity


There is a great unrest, the earth is dark and cold
Rotating back and forth, tossing to and fro.

The heavens flash a ring of fire that sets its sphere aglow
Yielding to the powers beyond, that brings its dreadful woe.

Yet man is walking his beaten path, he plods into total night
Unaware the darkness is, the total lack of light.

A call to open sleepy eyes and wisdom now to seek
No road ahead to walk upon, no earth beneath his feet.

Without the feel of falling, no heed to hear the call
He walks the road that leads to Hell and slowly starts to fall.

The pull of evil dulls his sense, he canít control his ways
Heís pulled by powers of evil, with burning fiery flames.

He opens his sleepy eyes and shakes the wicked trance
And tries to find his direction away from the evil chants.

Covering his ears to stop the sounds of hissing demonic cries
He finds his spirit lost in Hell for life heíll never die.

Oh Hell where is your grave his spirit cries and pleads
No death is your reward, for all your evil deeds.


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Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 09/08/07
A very good picture of the lostness of humanity.

Your last two verses were a bit unclear to me; perhaps some clarification is needed? The way it's phrased, it almost sounds as if "no death" is the reward for stupidity.

The rhymed couplets worked for me in this short poem.
Linda Watson Owen09/10/07
You've achieved a dark tone here that fits your theme of man's fatal shortcomings. A little more polishing following up on Jan's suggestions will help make it shine as a poem. Good job!
SYLVIA KING09/12/07
This is really very clear as to the seriousness of our actions and eternity. Very well written. Thank your for sharing somthing that makes one stop to think.