The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/31/07
A beautifully written story! Vivid descriptions--I could picture Danny on the bus and feel his mother's anxiety.

Would have liked to hear some dialogue in the story--maybe between Danny and his mom before he left for school.

The title sparked my curiosity. Great job!
08/31/07
This was great! I could literally feel the agony of this mother and her genuine fear for her son. Fear leads us to do many wild things we think we would never do. I've been there.

One of my favorite descriptions was: "Me? Iíd rather sing karaoke at the Grand Oleí Opry." Cute.

You kind of lost me with this remark: "Danny is in for a world of strawberry quick," but I got the gist.

I would also have liked to see some dialogue, something to give us the emotions from the character's POV's.

Nice work! I'm sure all moms can appreciate these feelings.

Blessings,
Cheri
08/31/07
This is marvelous, and "I love your butt" had me laughing out loud. I love the tone, the self-deprecating humor, the sweetness. Wonderful!
This is an exceptinally well-told story. I was right there with the mother, rushing, worrying, obsessing, wanting to make sure her son was all right. This shows the heart of a loving, maybe somewhat obsessed? mother.
Great job! Your humor added so much to this story. I really felt for the mother...and the child!
09/02/07
Funny how parents will go to great links to protect their child from their own imagination.

I would liked to have felt a greater sense of urgency. Like the apprehension of the setback of the police pulling this mom over and her nervousness as she explained why she ran the stop sign.

You did a great job.
09/03/07
Brilliantly written with a tongue in cheek type humor. A delightful read...and the last line sums up this obviously over-wrought and obsessed Mother..."get a grip." Great job of creativity and humor combined. Neat!
09/03/07
Wonderful! My kids will be going to school soon and I can understand the feelings shared in this fabulous piece. Thanks! Loved it!
09/05/07
Super story. Nice tie-in between the title and the end. Yes, she was obsessed ó fear does that!
09/06/07
You captured the feeling so very well. I know that "obsession" to protect our precious little ones from every harm, and you know how to put it into words. Great writing, visual and emotional. Thank you, too, for leaving a comment on my "confused" entry. I appreciated it.