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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write something suitable for CHILDREN (05/31/07)

TITLE: Flitter's Foggy Day
By Joanne Sher
06/03/07


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There once was a butterfly named Flitter, with light, wispy wings and long, thin antennae. Her wings were blue, orange, and purple with little silver specks that sparkled in the sunlight.

Flitter lived in a forest full of birds and bugs and monkeys and plants of all kinds, shapes, and sizes. It was a beautiful place, and Flitter would often smile as she fluttered about gathering nectar.

Sometimes, when the sunrise or sunset was especially pretty, or when the light reflected off the morning dew drops in a special way, Flitter would stop and say a little prayer. Her prayer went something like this:

Heavenly Father, I thank you today
for blessing me in this special way.
Thanks for the beauty of all I see,
And thank you, Lord, for loving me.


Flitter was quite happy in the forest with all her plant and animal friends. She loved to play hopscotch among the forest flowers, and tag with the insects. She and her best friend, Maggie the monkey, would often play hide and seek among the trees. She had everything she needed in her beautiful home in the woods.

One morning, however, Flitter bumped into a tree and bruised a wing. Her hurt wing made it harder than usual to flutter about. It was a very foggy day, too, so she couldn't see the sunrise. The entire forest was covered with a gray haze.

Flitter didn't feel as cheerful as she usually did. In fact, she was just plain grumpy. The beautiful colors of the flowers seemed a little less bright, and even Flitter's silver specks stopped sparkling. Flitter was as dreary and gray as the forest fog.

Flitter was tired of fluttering about, so she sat on a low tree branch in the middle of the forest. She didn't feel like flying, and playing hopscotch or tag seemed like too much trouble. Even when she spotted Maggie the monkey coming toward her in the distance, all Flitter wanted to do was sit. As Maggie came closer, Flitter prayed. Her prayer went something like this.

Heavenly Father, please tell me why
you put those dreary gray clouds in the sky.
And why did you make my wing so sore?
It's hurting my flying more and more.


Right as she finished her prayer, Maggie climbed the tree and sat right next to Flitter on the branch.

"Hi Flitter! Wanna play hide and seek?" Maggie asked with a smile.

"Not really," Flitter said crossly.

"What's wrong?" Maggie asked. "It's a beautiful day to play in the forest."

"I think the fog makes it ugly!" Flitter frowned, turning away from her friend. "And besides, my wing hurts."

Maggie stuck her arm out right in front of Flitter, then tilted her head to the side.

"Come here, Flitter."

Flitter shook her head.

"Aw, come on. I won't bite!"

Flitter giggled, then hopped onto Maggie's long furry arm.

Maggie raised her arm up in front of her face and pointed toward a bed of yellow flowers growing on the forest floor below them.

"Look at how the flower petals shine in the mist. They look just like the silvery specks on your wings. And the clouds make the treetops look like a castle in the sky." Maggie paused, looked into Flitter's eyes, and smiled. "I'll bet that's what heaven looks like."

Flitter grinned. Maggie was right! The forest was beautiful, and so was Maggie, for seeing it and sharing it with her friend. Flitter looked straight into Maggie's eyes and said a prayer.

Heavenly Father, I thank you today
for my dear friend Maggie, who showed me the way
to know all the beauty Your world has to see,
and thank you too, Lord, for her love for me.


Maggie blushed. "You're welcome, Flitter."

Taking flight, Flitter hovered above Maggie's head. She was so happy, she didn't even notice the soreness in her wing. She could have flown in this beautiful forest forever.

"So, are you ready to play hide and seek?" Flitter asked. "I'll be it."

"Definitely," Maggie said happily. "Count to twenty, and no peeking!"

As Maggie swung across the forest from treetop to treetop, Flitter closed her eyes. Before she started counting, Flitter thought about how blessed she was to be in this beautiful forest, with a wonderful friend and an amazing God.

Heavenly Father, I thank you today
for blessing me in this special way.
Thanks for the beauty of all I see,
And thank you, Lord, for loving me.



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This article has been read 1861 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Betty Castleberry06/07/07
This is precious. The description is good, and I love the little prayers, too. They are simple so a child can understand them, but so sincere.
Very well done.
Christine Dunn06/08/07
A very good message. I'd love to see the illustrations to go with this one!
Leigh MacKelvey06/08/07
I loved ther names! This is a great story for children and it teaches them a valuable lesson in how to deal with trials.My favorite line was when Maggies "tilted" Flitter's head. Very visual!
Donna Howard06/08/07
This is delightful! I, too, would love to see it illustrated. I can almost see it now. Children would love it. Wonderful message, too. Nice work.
Verna Cole Mitchell 06/08/07
I like this nice little imaginative story with such vivid descriptions.
Pat Guy 06/08/07
This BEGS to be a book with illustrations! It would add to the beauty of the story.

I would have loved to have read this to my daughter when she was a little girl.

Precious.
Gregory Kane06/09/07
Ditto. Beautiful and delicate. I was riveted from the opening paragraph. Good use of white space too serves to keep the flow of the story airy and light just like the butterfly.
Helen Paynter06/09/07
Lovely!
Yes, it calls out be illustrated, but as an adult, I could already see the illustrations in my head. Gentle use of glitter and pastels, I think!
Veyr evocative writing.
Rita Garcia06/10/07
I agree! This needs to be published!
Jan Ackerson 06/11/07
I was particularly charmed by the friendship between two very unlikely critters. Lovely.
Sandra Petersen 06/11/07
What a perfect story for a unit on the rain forest or for reading to a child grumpy about a gray, perhaps rainy, day. Liked the small poetic prayers interspersed throughout this story. Great story!
Ann Grover06/11/07
I liked this VERY much... and the message is wonderful... the need for friends to help us rise above the circumstances in our lives. The illustrations could be delightful...lots of potential here.
Sharlyn Guthrie06/11/07
Sweet story! The rhyming prayers really make this piece, and I can definitely relate to Flitter. The weather affects me that way sometimes, too!
Kristen Hester06/12/07
I really like this! I love the rhyming prayer poems throughout the story. It's so sweet and well written. I think my girls wouth love this story.
Myrna Noyes06/12/07
Such a sweet, gentle story of friendship, gratitude, and looking for the best in everything and in every day! Your descriptions were lovely, the poem/prayers wonderful, and the ending so positive! Terrific job! :)
dub W06/13/07
I didn't like the trite opening "there once was..." but, the balance of the article is wonderfully composed, and definately publishable.
Dee Yoder 06/13/07
I like the prayers, too. Sweet story that I think children would really enjoy!
Dara Sorensen06/13/07
I love it! It would be an AWESOME children's book! I definitely can see all the illustrations perfectly in my head. A winner, in my honest opinion. ^_^
Caitlynn Lowe06/13/07
Aww...such a cute story! I think most children would really enjoy it. And I KNOW that *I* enjoyed it. ;)
Misti Chancellor06/13/07
I liked it. It reminded me of some stories I read in elementary school that had some really great illustrations. But, for the life of me, I can't remember who wrote them or what the titles were. Hmph... guess I'll have to go figure it out. :D
Loren T. Lowery06/13/07
Loved the message and the dialogue between the characters. Your writing also made me empathize with the butterfly. Your story's a keeper in my book!
Jacquelyn Horne06/13/07
Wonderful story for children to read. Loved the poetry imbeded in the story.
Pamela Kliewer06/13/07
What a delightfully engaging story! I would have liked to read this to my girl when she was little too. Excellent job!
Bryan Coomes06/13/07
This was fantastic. So simple and honest in its presentation that yes, a child (and an adult, for me I use that term loosely) can understand and enjoy. Your descriptions were great, the story flowed well and the message behind it all is priceless. Great job!
David Butler 06/13/07
I read this to my big, boofie trucking friend, and he was so impressed, he wanted me to read it to his footie team to inspire them just before the match.
;) Just joking!
Wishing I had grandkids so I could read it to them. It's a gem!
LaNaye Perkins06/13/07
This story was just lovely. I loved it.
Sara Harricharan 06/14/07
This was cute! I liked the repeating prayer throughout, it made Flitter a little more realistic. As a girl butterfly though...the name wasn't too 'girly'. lol. My only note is though it is written for children, maybe cut out a few of the 'and' when reading aloud, it will wear on you. ^_^ Otherwise, good job!
Sara Harricharan 06/14/07
Woot! LOL Way ta go, congrats!
Rita Garcia06/14/07
CONGRATS! DOIN' THE HAPPY DANCE WITH YA!!
Verna Cole Mitchell 06/14/07
Wowee! Congratulations! I'm so glad Flitter "lit" on the judges!
Christine Dunn06/14/07
Well done, Joanne. We made it into the EC! Yeah!
Janice Fitzpatrick06/14/07
Very nicely written. I think young children would enjoy this alot. Congrats on your placing in the top. Keep up the writing!God bless,Janice
Beth LaBuff 06/14/07
Congrats Joanne! Great writing!
Sheri Gordon06/14/07
Congratulations. This could have some really beautiful illustrations.
Myrna Noyes06/14/07
CONGRATULATIONS on your EC and your win in Advanced!! This was a wonderful story, and it deserves the accolades!!!!!! LD
Marilee Alvey06/14/07
Well done, Joanne. I could see this printed and read to a child. It has a very important message put into simple terms. Your description was incredible. That has always been one of your strenghts. I really admire someone who has that talent. Welcome to Master's. I knew you were coming. I just wasn't sure which week, so I took the liberty of making up a bed for you because I want you to be comfortable here!
Mo 06/14/07
Very nice! Congrats on your win -- & on moving up to Masters!
Catrina Bradley 06/14/07
I forgot to come leave you a comment! But you know how much I loved this story. So simple and beautiful and a perfect cadence to be read aloud to a child. Congrats!!!!!!
Pauline TAIT06/18/07
It's beautiful and you know it lovely girl
Kate Grey06/18/07
Great story, and congratulations! SisJ
Elizabeth Baize 06/21/07
This entry was as intricate as the butterfly you described, yet worded so simply that a child could easily understand. I think children should have more stories like this available to them to remind them of God's love. No child can be reminded too often of the truths found in your refrain. "Heavenly Father, I thank you today
for blessing me in this special way.
Thanks for the beauty of all I see,
And thank you, Lord, for loving me."
Laury Hubrich 07/04/08
What a cute story and a wonderful lesson to be learned! I hope Flitter finds a home soon!