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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write in the ADVENTURE genre (05/24/07)

TITLE: The Beginning of an Amazing Adventure
By Sara Harricharan
05/30/07


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I thought she was a statue when the merchant first pointed her out.

Standing on a steep cliff, with a river screaming liquid suicide, her name was Jaina and she was the fastest and most gifted guide this side of Tyrant Ridge.

A hearty slap on the shoulder sent me staggering in Jaina’s direction.

I shuffled up to the cliff, inching the last few feet until my shadow touched her boots.

She was humming an odd tune, one hand absently waving about as if directing, the other hanging loosely.

Silence reigned the minute my shadow reached her and she turned slightly to see over her shoulder.

A spray of water splashed her face from the side and I realized that the river had suddenly swelled to enormous proportions.

Turning fully to face me, she smoothed wet curls away from a pixie face and eyes the warmest shade of autumn brown I’d ever seen.

I blinked. “Jaina?”

Her head dipped lightly, swiveling to face the rising wetness.

“The, uh, gentleman over ther-” Icy droplets spattered my face and clothes. “I need a guide to take me to the archaeologist ruins at Coral Wall!” I yelled the last bit out as the water suddenly rose, forming a huge blue wall that towered several feet over me.

She turned fully to face me, eyes closed, lips moving and snapped her fingers.

The water dropped.

All the way down to the ‘normal’ size of a river. All moisture retreated with it, leaving me with a dry suit.

Her eyes opened and she cocked her head. “The ruins are off limits. What business, have you there?”

I stood tall, drawing my badge and holding it out. “Detective Francis Marvo. I’m investigating the matter.”

“Investigating?” She took the badge, holding it to the light. “Not treasure hunting?”

“I’m here on official business, ma’am and the sooner we get started-”

“Have you ever been to the coral wall?” She handed the badge back. “I like my credits up front, if you please. I’ll give you a list of require supplies to purchase. They are not included in my fee except for my share of rations.” She yawned. “It may be too late to start today.”

“We can’t wait!” I stared at her in disbelief. “There isn’t any time-!”

“Here’s the list.” She interrupted. “It’s a full day of flight and then a bit of darkness before we reach camp. Some sand castle time and a run through the jungle. Takes about a week.” She straightened. “Usually.”

I opened my mouth to argue and shut it when she tucked the list into my jacket pocket.

“Find me when you’re done.” She trotted down the hill, leaving me in her wake.

I hate shopping.

********

“We’re going to fly there?” I handed over the humongous load of supplies.

“We’ll sprout wings.” She said, matter-of-factly. “Why didn’t you buy the small packs?”

“I didn’t know small packs existed. Seriously, how are we-”

“Turn around so I can see if this fits you.” She held up a square bundle, fitted into a metal carrier.

Another minute of tugging and pulling and she’d shouldered her pack as well.

Licking a finger, she held it up. Her eyes narrowed. “Yes…we will need to fly…” She shook her head.

I sighed. Loudly.

She looked at me, brows arched. I held up my hands. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

Her lips quirked. She bent and slapped her legs.

A pair of miniature white wings sprouted out the sides, through her boots. They fluttered eagerly and she smiled down at them, turning to me.

Before I could protest, she repeated the same motions on me.

A burning sensation ripped from my toes to my ankles, enveloping my feet until the sound of tearing fabric freed my new wings.

“Breathe sideways through your nose, keep an eye on me. Look at the sky, not the ground.” She tilted her head upwards and shot into the air.

“Wait!” I leaped forward, rising a few feet off the ground. And looked down.

Promptly landing in a heap in the dirt.

Jaina lowered enough to reach down and grab my hand. “I said up, not down.” She pulled me up alongside her, aiming high into the clouds.

Her grip loosened and mine tightened. “Don’t let go!”

She chuckled. “It’s the beginning of an amazing adventure, detective. Time to find your own wings.”

She let go.

Copyright 2007


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This article has been read 1347 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Dee Yoder 06/02/07
I'd like to read the rest! Compelling beginning.
Jacquelyn Horne06/02/07
This is a good beginning to a awesome story I'm sure. Just would like to hear the rest of it. This portion was interestingly and well written.
Julie Arduini06/02/07
"with a river screaming liquid suicide" this adventure is filled with imagery and action words that show the story, not tell it, I love that! The ending threw me a bit, but I suspect because I tend to live with my feet firmly on the ground and was expecting the story to move a different direction. Really strong writing, and adventurous? I'm breathless!
Joanne Sher 06/04/07
Excellent description. I felt like I was right there.
Myrna Noyes06/04/07
This was truly the beginning of an amazing adventure! I wish you could have gone on and told us what happened after that! Very creative story with some interesting symbolism at the end! Good job! :)
Benjamin Graber06/06/07
I love it! That ending is excellent! This is at the top of my favorites for the week... :-)
Verna Cole Mitchell 06/06/07
What an imagination! I enjoyed the story very much--wanted to know more!
Trevas Walker06/06/07
As the title states, this is the beginning of an amazing adventure :-) You kept my attention and left me wanting to know more... Great Job!
Cheri Hardaway 06/06/07
Well... WHAT HAPPENED? I am full of questions, waiting to see the ending... Good job! Very suspenseful. Blessings, Cheri
Amy Michelle Wiley 06/06/07
How fun! I'd love to read more about them. :-)
Loren T. Lowery06/06/07
I'm with the others - where is this adventure leading us?
And, of course, I want to tag along because it all sounds so intriguing! Great Job!
Pat Guy 06/06/07
No fair! The adventure had just begun! I demand a recount! Okay - part two is coming right? You've got me hooked and I don't like fanasy.

A children's part two - right? ;)
Leigh MacKelvey06/06/07
Great! I'm so glad you're sticking to your strong gift for sci-fi with an adventure to thrill us!
Rita Garcia06/07/07
One of my very favorites! Thanks for a great read!
william price06/07/07
I'm in a rush this morning, but had to read this first. Glad I did, great start to a day. I loved it and hope there is more to come.
God bless.
Val Clark06/08/07
Darn that word limit! You hooked me in with your beautifully layered and imaginative imagery. A very visual and intriguing piece. yeggy