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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Write in the POETRY genre (05/17/07)
Father, please forgive me.
I know I’ve let you down.
I’m desolate, confused and weak,
And Satan has me bound

My voice yells let me be!
Yet, my heart cries for help.
Floundering in this world of sin,
I cannot save myself.

Mother, please forgive me.
Can’t seem to get it right.
I’m angry, and I don’t know why.
I love you – still I fight.

It’s not because of you
This anger has me bound.
It’s really just a shield I wield,
As my dark world spins ‘round.

Fighting like a drowning child,
Please understand my plight.
I’ll have no one to save me, if
You two give up the fight.

I know I need you both,
Although the words won’t come.
If you two turn away from me,
Then, Satan’s pow’r has won.

I need to know you’re there,
In spite of how I act.
If you give up on me right now,
I’m lost, and that’s a fact.

So, love me still, although,
I am not lovable
Forgive me father, mother, please.
I know not what I do.


…………………………………………………………………………

“Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do…” Luke 23:34 KJV
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This article has been read 1658 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Sara Harricharan
05/24/07
This is very good. Emotionally charged-excellent word choices. There are some awkward spots though. Like : I love you – still I fight. It was nice to ryhme it, but it seemed to break the rhythm you had going. The verse after it is also a little altered in meter. The ending verse, while it does convey what you meant, it's a little "long-short" One long line, one short line, and it kind of takes away a bit, even though it's the 'truth'. Otherwise, this is a silent cry that needs to be heard and Kudos to you for 'crying' it. ^_^
Benjamin Graber
05/25/07
This is a neat poem from a teen's perspective. It is good to be reminded of the hearts that lie behind the eyes we see.
I want to encourage you to add some imagery that can speak to the reader's heart even better than mere words can...
Keep up the good work!
Julie Arduini
05/27/07
You captured the teen heart well. Nicely written!
Sandra Petersen
05/28/07
Well, I can say you touched my heart with this. I have a teenage daughter who could be saying what you are right now.

Most of the rhythm worked well except for the last stanza. But the feelings portrayed in this poem needed to be shared and you did well. Good job.
Rhonda Clark
05/29/07
This is a great poem. Wonderful.
Sharon Henderson
05/29/07
The above constructive comments are the same as I would have. I have a young adult son and I think you captured the struggle very well.
Jan Ackerson
05/29/07
You nailed it, all right! A poem every parent of a teen should read.
Marilee Alvey
05/29/07
This was a wonderful poem. My favorite line was, "It’s not because of you
This anger has me bound.
It’s really just a shield I wield,
As my dark world spins ‘round." When my teenage daughter had that attitude, my husband used to tell me she needed more hugs. I said, "I'd just as soon hug a snake." "I know," he said wisely, "but that's when she needs it the most." I found the same truth with my sons who followed. There is wisdom in this poem. There are a few rhyming problems, but they can be ironed out. This understanding and patience exhibited here is born of hard times. Thank you for sharing.
Myrna Noyes
05/29/07
The anguish of the teen's heart came through so clearly in this well-written poem! This piece also contains an excellent warning not to judge the rebellious teen but to seek to understand his or her heart instead--to hear their silent cries! Good job!
Rita Garcia
05/30/07
Publish this! The message needs to be heard!
Verna Cole Mitchell 
05/30/07
A teen's heart so well expressed here!
Donna Powers
05/30/07
Very much the cry of many teens; you have expressed it eloquently. Thanks for sharing it
Joanne Sher 
05/30/07
Excellent message - I could have written this a few decades ago. (but not as well!)
dub W
05/30/07
A couple of meter problems, but overall this is a keeper. A insightful prayer of a teen. Thanks.
Patty Wysong
05/30/07
Wow! I'm gonna print this one (once your name is on it!) and stick it in my Bible--with a house full of kids/young teens I NEEDED this one! Thanks!!!
Pat Guy
05/30/07
Wow! I've got one of these lovely teeangers now!

This is perceptively beautiful. Just lovely.

And I agree with everyone else.
Rebecca Jones
05/31/07
As the mother of a teen, I so greatly appreciated what you wrote and how you wrote it. Thank you
Val Clark
06/11/07
Insightful, definitley communicates the teenager's anguish and confusion. yeggy