Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Four Ways For A Christian Writer To Win A Publishing Package HERE



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write in the POETRY genre (05/17/07)

TITLE: A Teen's Silent Cry
By Jacquelyn Horne
05/19/07


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

Father, please forgive me.
I know I’ve let you down.
I’m desolate, confused and weak,
And Satan has me bound

My voice yells let me be!
Yet, my heart cries for help.
Floundering in this world of sin,
I cannot save myself.

Mother, please forgive me.
Can’t seem to get it right.
I’m angry, and I don’t know why.
I love you – still I fight.

It’s not because of you
This anger has me bound.
It’s really just a shield I wield,
As my dark world spins ‘round.

Fighting like a drowning child,
Please understand my plight.
I’ll have no one to save me, if
You two give up the fight.

I know I need you both,
Although the words won’t come.
If you two turn away from me,
Then, Satan’s pow’r has won.

I need to know you’re there,
In spite of how I act.
If you give up on me right now,
I’m lost, and that’s a fact.

So, love me still, although,
I am not lovable
Forgive me father, mother, please.
I know not what I do.


…………………………………………………………………………

“Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do…” Luke 23:34 KJV


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 897 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Sara Harricharan 05/24/07
This is very good. Emotionally charged-excellent word choices. There are some awkward spots though. Like : I love you – still I fight. It was nice to ryhme it, but it seemed to break the rhythm you had going. The verse after it is also a little altered in meter. The ending verse, while it does convey what you meant, it's a little "long-short" One long line, one short line, and it kind of takes away a bit, even though it's the 'truth'. Otherwise, this is a silent cry that needs to be heard and Kudos to you for 'crying' it. ^_^
Benjamin Graber05/25/07
This is a neat poem from a teen's perspective. It is good to be reminded of the hearts that lie behind the eyes we see.
I want to encourage you to add some imagery that can speak to the reader's heart even better than mere words can...
Keep up the good work!
Julie Arduini05/26/07
You captured the teen heart well. Nicely written!
Sandra Petersen 05/28/07
Well, I can say you touched my heart with this. I have a teenage daughter who could be saying what you are right now.

Most of the rhythm worked well except for the last stanza. But the feelings portrayed in this poem needed to be shared and you did well. Good job.
Rhonda Clark 05/28/07
This is a great poem. Wonderful.
Sharon Henderson05/28/07
The above constructive comments are the same as I would have. I have a young adult son and I think you captured the struggle very well.
Jan Ackerson 05/28/07
You nailed it, all right! A poem every parent of a teen should read.
Marilee Alvey05/28/07
This was a wonderful poem. My favorite line was, "It’s not because of you
This anger has me bound.
It’s really just a shield I wield,
As my dark world spins ‘round." When my teenage daughter had that attitude, my husband used to tell me she needed more hugs. I said, "I'd just as soon hug a snake." "I know," he said wisely, "but that's when she needs it the most." I found the same truth with my sons who followed. There is wisdom in this poem. There are a few rhyming problems, but they can be ironed out. This understanding and patience exhibited here is born of hard times. Thank you for sharing.
Myrna Noyes05/29/07
The anguish of the teen's heart came through so clearly in this well-written poem! This piece also contains an excellent warning not to judge the rebellious teen but to seek to understand his or her heart instead--to hear their silent cries! Good job!
Rita Garcia05/30/07
Publish this! The message needs to be heard!
Verna Cole Mitchell 05/30/07
A teen's heart so well expressed here!
Donna Emery05/30/07
Very much the cry of many teens; you have expressed it eloquently. Thanks for sharing it
Joanne Sher 05/30/07
Excellent message - I could have written this a few decades ago. (but not as well!)
dub W05/30/07
A couple of meter problems, but overall this is a keeper. A insightful prayer of a teen. Thanks.
Patty Wysong05/30/07
Wow! I'm gonna print this one (once your name is on it!) and stick it in my Bible--with a house full of kids/young teens I NEEDED this one! Thanks!!!
Pat Guy 05/30/07
Wow! I've got one of these lovely teeangers now!

This is perceptively beautiful. Just lovely.

And I agree with everyone else.
Rebecca Jones05/31/07
As the mother of a teen, I so greatly appreciated what you wrote and how you wrote it. Thank you
Val Clark06/11/07
Insightful, definitley communicates the teenager's anguish and confusion. yeggy