The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
05/17/07
I love how the title is a play on words and ties in so completely with the story. :-)
oooo, I like this... I knew something was wrong with the rocks and you didn't disappoint. I loved the play on words in the title, but I think I must be missing something in the ending, because it didn't seem like it really had an ending... Otherwise great job!
05/17/07
Well, I didn't have a clue! (so cool!) Good stuff ... the kind that should continue - I'd LOVE to know what happens next. I guess that must mean you did a great job of writing! Kudos on this piece!
05/18/07
I love this, title and all. What an intriguing read, I want more for sure!
05/21/07
Great action. I also felt like the ending wasn't satisfying (I want more details!!) but that's just because I was so engaged. I love the way your characterization shone so much in this - it's easy to "depend" on the technology to carry the story, but you definitely didn't do that!
What an intriguing story! I wanted more. Liked how the characters were still human in this out of this world scene. I think you need to continue on so we can all find out what happens next. Excellent writing, held my interest, great characters, suspenseful and even a slight hint of romance. Well done.
Very good science fiction. When is the book coming out?
05/21/07
Great title, love the easy-going feel of this...too much sci-fi is just techno-babble. This is just right.

Watch your modifier in the first sentence--it sounds as if his head was startled awake, not him.

Even though this reads like a chapter of a larger work to come, that worked for me, because the writing was so engaging, and you fully established your characters. Nicely done.
05/21/07
Interesting premise; this sounds like it will be part of a future book.

My only suggestion is to watch out that you don't repeat words in sentences. Like the word 'head' here: "Startled awake, Keith’s head echoed the sound off the bunk just above his head."

You left us with a hint that Keith has a little interest in the nurse (possible future romance?) and a big mystery about a cloaked mine field in a well-traveled area. Yes, more please.
05/22/07
This sci-fi is crying out to be expanded. Fantastic writing.
05/22/07
Good play on words with the title. I liked the realistic dialouge and feel of the story. It needs to be expanded though! I so want to know what happens afterward!
I like this, from the title through the end. Very good job.
Ouch! I almsot felt the head wound. Great description. I didn't quite get why the rocks were cloaked, but then, I don't usually get sci fi anyway. This held my attention all the way trhough. Nicely done.
05/23/07
This was like an old scifi serial. The story has been going on and will continue. Some question is always answered. Another question is always proposed.
What a creative idea! I would never have thought of mining in space. The characterization was excellent. Like everyone else, I want to know more.
05/23/07
Great writing, as always Shari. This is a gem! I loved it.
05/23/07
You give good sci fi :) - this has to be the start of something greater.
05/23/07
This was well written, very descriptive, I could see the whole scene unfold in my head. Let me know when you get the novel done:)
05/23/07
I don't know what to say that hasn't been, but to tell you that I really enjoyed reading it and was impressed with the skill. God bless.
05/24/07
Got me hooked. I'd like to know who the mine-layers were and why they did it. I guess I'll find out when the best-seller comes out. Well done.
05/25/07
Quite enjoyable read. :)