The Official Writing Challenge
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04/12/07
I liked the story until I came to the end--it left me wanting a little more excitement than just a rock. But that's just me. It's a well-written piece.
04/12/07
This was certainly a well written piece, though I think I agree with Karri. I was quite disappointed when I realised it was just a rock. I really did like the style of your writing though. Keep it up!
Well written and with a touch of humor as well. My imagination tends to work like your character's.
04/13/07
I really enjoyed this! I loved your detective--umm, secretary, I mean! :) Many of us jump to conclusions at times and think the worst, when there is a simple, innocent explanation! Good job!
04/14/07
I'm so proud of myself! I guessed that the rock she rested her foot on in the beginning was the rock that had done her friend in! And sure enough, it was!! I could be the asst. of the Asst.'s secretary, right? Good job! Enjoyed the analysis.
Comes across like and old Sam Spade investigation. I felt the suspense here. Good job.
You did a great job of weaving a perfect amount of humor into the secretary character. My favorite line was, "You see, I'm a private investigator...sort of. I mean, I'm the assistant (well, maybe the secretary), for John Willingston, P.I. - or I was. It was only ten or so years ago. I wasn't that rusty, anyway." Then, the last line gives the final touch to her personality!
04/16/07
I loved how you developed Tina's character! And I have to agree with Elizabeth about her favorite line in the story. It added just a touch of humor.

I caught the foreshadowing of the rock. I think I must have humor on the brain (thanks to our current challenge topic), so I thought the piece was going to continue along with several scenarios quie obvious to the reader (like the rock), but missed by the amateur detective, Tina. That would have been humorous. And I liked how Tina came up with the baseball bat theory too.

750 words is such a small amount of text in which to develop a satisfying plot and conclusion, but I believe you've done it. Good work. Blessings, Cheri
04/16/07
You know, I actually proofread my comment before submitting it. Seems the mystery now is how I missed the misspelling of "quite." Sorry!
04/16/07
Creative and fun! Great writing!
04/17/07
This is quite charming! I think just a subtle re-writing of the 4th paragraph could still leave a clue for your readers but not make it obvious...I love your protagonist's personality and this good-natured mystery.
04/17/07
A baffling bump indeed. I guessed that it was the rock that got her. Maybe add a bit more 'mystery' to this and expand a bit more. It certainly has the potential and I liked the characters very much. Good job! ^_^
I loved your "sort of" P.I. I believe maybe those kids hurled a rock at her. (smile)
A cute story!
04/17/07
Really nice character development, and great touch of humor.
I loved this story. I bet Mr. Butterwinkle's angels threw the rock at her:)
Anyway, great writing, super job with the Mystery Theme. Great charcaterization with the P.I. and superb dialogue. Excellent job. God bless.
Truly enjoyed your main character - so much charm and just enough "macho" to make her endearing.
04/18/07
This started out well and kept me reading. That must have been one good-sized rock if your MC chose to rest her foot on it. Funny, I kept thinking about Nero Wolfe and his personal secretary/leg man Archie when you mentioned the MC's previous occupation. Cute story.
Okay, this has me wanting to read more. I think it'd make a good intro for a novella. Loved the way you spiced it up with just a little humor. Well done.
04/18/07
Very nicely done, Joanne. It's a gem of a mystery.
04/18/07
This was fun. Reminds me of a story I read once where a woman did her husband in with a frozen leg of lemb, then fed it to the detectives who came looking for the murder weapon. I enjoyed the characterisation, and your usual light humorous touch.
04/18/07
Well done but of deduction -and writing :) I enjoyed it.
04/18/07
Great job! Everyone loves an idiot sleuth and that's where I thought we were going when I read about the rock and "the area seemed devoid of clues." LOL! I would have loved more of that ineptness, but that's the silliness in me. You got the mystery presented and solved, and in a delightful way. You did good!
04/18/07
I too thought that you were going to take us dowm the bumbling detective path but even though you didn't I enjoyed the story. Great characterisation.
04/18/07
Loved the alliteration of your title. Loved her introduction of herself too. I agree that the ending was a bit more 'tame' than I expected it to be. But I guess that was the idea. I can picture her laying there in the leaves. I would enjoy doing that too.
04/18/07
Great wanna-be discription of Tina's private detective skills. The openning got my attention and you kept it.
Great story with a splash of mystery and humor all rolled into one.
Great story. I especially loved the last lines.