The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
10/12/06
The truth? I dislike free verse because it has no rhythym or beat; HOWEVER, this one, "Just The Other Day" told a wonderful story - touched my heart and gave me a new perspective on Free Verse. Nicely done...in a very unique and touching way. Kudos!
This is beautifully written. I can just see the young "fire-fighter."
I love this style and it is very readable with a clean tie-in to the topic, and it finishes off so sweetly!
10/13/06
Very sweet and poignant. Very well done!
10/13/06
I loved this!! Perhaps it has something to do with my 3T-sized kids at home or more likely it has everything to do with great writing! Fabulous entry!
Beautiful, simply beautiful!!
10/16/06
This is precious and brought tears to my eyes. You captured innocence and the heart of a little boy so well in this. I loved it. (and a really good job at that!)
10/16/06
I loved your description of teh little boy and his innocense. Very well done.

My only suggestion would be to choose a different word instead of repeating "entered" in the following lines. Maybe something suggesting he came through the flames on the other side into heaven?

"his dada entered the flames
and entered heaven."

Good work!
10/16/06
Oh, my--how tender and wonderfully written. Just perfect.
10/16/06
Your stories are always such a pleasure. This one was very touching: “He wants to be like the daddy he doesn’t remember.” I especially liked your descriptions in the third stanza and how you tied the beginning and end together in the last stanza. Nicely done.
10/16/06
Oh, how lovely: "I saw innocence speed by." All I can say is ... WOW.

Just wonderful. Thank you.
10/18/06
Ok -not fair - you almost had me in tears! It took a little while to "feel" the rhythm, but worth the read.
10/18/06
This was beautiful-really great writing. I can't think of anything you could change. Excellent job!
You may be looking for a critique, but I'm sorry, you'll not get it from me.

This is beautiful, heartwarming, and tear-jerking all at the same time.

I loved the free verse that obviously flowed from your heart and your pen.

Such beautiful, descriptive phrases that have left me sighing deeply.

A most enjoyable read that I will definitely be revisiting!

10/18/06
I loved it!
10/19/06
The way you increasingly revealed more of the story was very well done. To start with a cute little kid and the narrator's voice thrown in, you make the reader smile and think, "Oh - how cute." But then when you hint at the little boy's deceased Dad then when the narrator tells the reader how the Dad died, well, the heart just starts to cry. Beautifully done.
This is so heartwarming. All mothers can identify, especially those who have husbands who work as firemen and police officers.
06/02/08
Joanne, this was phenomenal...I absolutely love it.
07/08/08
WHat I love about this free verse, is that putting it in poem form, versus prose, each line stands on its own and is NOTICED differently. It to me is a good example of the benefits of free verse. It's a beautiful tool to highlight each living line to bring it in 3D color to the rest of us... thanks for inspiring me!
07/08/08
This is so poignant. You've got great poetic elements in this. I love it!