The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 924 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
08/10/06
Good story, and it was very effective to leave the name to the end.

08/11/06
I struggled with reading this, partly because of the spacing. Gaps between paragraphs really help the reader. I got a sense everything was run together as a series of single sentence paragraphs.

I also feel you need a little more variety in sentence structure. Count the number of sentences that begin with the word "He" and see if you can't find different ways to begin a sentence in order to provide variety and interest.
08/12/06
Guideposts once did a special on The Babe's faith, way way way back in maybe the 50s? Dont ask me how you'd get a copy of it, but I've seen it in an anthology somewhere.
08/13/06
Wonderful story of the Babe, but I too, got lost and bogged down in the maize of words with no spacing - but a really neat story.