Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: BLESSED (03/07/19)
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TITLE: Just Another Passenger on the Plane. | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jenny Miller
03/09/19 -
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The rest of the passengers settled in their seats without giving her a second look or a second thought. As far as they could gather, she was the same as them; going to see family on spring break or heading for a change of scenery. They didn’t know the miraculous orchestration it took to allow her to go back home.
It had been five long years of ups and downs. He’d started in on their eighteen-month old son right before she left him, but most of the abuse had been toward their daughter. She was only four, but it had been going on since she was a few months old.
His family said he was just young. It would get better. They told her the same thing every time he did something, until everyone began treating her like she was crazy. They’d tell her he wasn’t that bad. Others were far worse and there weren’t any broken bones. Maybe they were right. Who would believe her anyway? They said if she told, she’d be taking the children’s father away forever. Did she really want her kids to grow up without a dad?
Later, it became about his career. If she said anything, his career would be ruined. He’d go to jail if they believed her. How would they live without his income? What if he changed? He promised he would. He’d get help and they’d be a happy family again. Give it time. Give him another chance. She believed them. She believed him.
But, it never got better. Things would be peaceful for a few weeks, sometimes months. Then something would set him off and it would start all over again. She’d cry herself to sleep some nights, praying God would allow him to hurt her instead. Sure, she got the emotional, verbal, and financial abuse, but he saved the physical stuff for the kids. She hated herself for not being strong enough to leave. If he’d only do it to her once. Maybe then the doctors would believe her, his command would do something about it, or his family would stop treating her as if she was crazy. But, it never happened. She resigned herself to pleading with God to make a way for her to leave.
That December, another incident occurred. It had never been this bad. She began making plans to get out. But, how would she explain leaving him? He’d never let her go. She’d tried once before.
A month later, her mother called. Her grandmother had been diagnosed with Dementia and could she come to California to help out for a few months? It was her answer to prayer. Yes. She told her husband she’d take the kids with her and help her grandmother. Meanwhile, he could get the help he needed. He promised he would.
He never did. She never went back.
As she sat on the plane, she was worried. She didn't know someday she would look back on that blessed day and praise her God. Her children would never again be victims and she would no longer be a slave to fear. She didn't know her God would rebuild their lives from the ground up and provide for them in ways they could never have dreamed. She would be blessed beyond measure. She would never look back and wonder if He had seen or known their plight. He saw. He knew.
As she flew across the country with her two children, the passengers didn't know she was fleeing from a troubled and angry man. They didn't know that day would change that little family's life forever. To them, she was just another passenger on the plane.
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Well don,
Blessings~
This is well-written about a very hard topic.
Surreal in the contrast. And you tied it up with the hope of a new beginnin and blessings to come. Nice job.
That was just a quick example to show how you can still show the others on the plane without shifting the POV. I'm sure if you tweaked it more, you'd be able to come up with something way more potent than my example. Like I said, it's a very small detail, but by being aware of the POV, you'll be able to paint a more vivid picture by using dialog, thoughts, and body language. You already have a firm foundation on which to build. This story reminds me of one of my favorite summer activity. After dark, I walk my dogs and watch the planes. Once I spot one, I start to pray for those on board. I pray for the person who is going to a funeral, the businessman returning home, the couple who are having an affair and now, thanks to your profound story, I'll include the abused woman and her children. I let the Holy Spirit guide me, and I've no doubt I was lead to your story to remember to pray for battered families. God has big plans for your words and I truly believe it might save a life or two.
I am glad this young mother and her children was able to escape from this abusive relationship with her husband. Unfortunately, some abusers won't let their wife/children for any reason because they fear they won't come back or will reveal his secrets.
I also noticed the change of POV (Point of View) of the main character, but Shann made some excellent notes on how to correct it.
Keep up the good writing!