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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: OVERLOAD (10/06/16)
Monday

“You gettin’ up?”
Marion’s mumbled question let Jamie know he’d disturbed his wife even though he’d tried to be as quiet as a mouse.
“Got a lot to do today, love.”
“Again?”
She sighed and sank back into sleep.

“Got the van all ready to go, love,” Jamie said as they sat at breakfast an hour later. “Sold so many hedge plants on Saturday I must go down to Lymington for some more.”
“Will you call in on your mum on the way back?”
“ ‘Spose I’d better. Make sure she’s OK. Won’t stop long, though. Got to be over at Eastmoor by 2 for that planting job I promised last week.”
“And haven’t you got a deacons’ meeting tonight?”

‘Can’t he just slow down for a day or so and be happy again? Must it be like this, six days a week for ever?’ Marian was sitting at the breakfast table half an hour after Jamie had shot out of the gates.

Mum was disappointed that her son could spare no more than ten minutes on his way home.
Speeding down from her hilltop home, Jamie swept past a small pull-in. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed several sparrows basking in the roadside dust.
The words flashed into his mind, “You are of more value than many sparrows.” He thought of how Jesus assured the people that whatever happened, they were safe in God’s care.

More words of Jesus came to him as he drove in the nursery gates:
“Come to me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” How much he had let all sorts of things make him full of cares and burdens. He bowed his head as he sat behind the wheel and handed everything over to the Lord.
“Thank you,” he whispered, as a lovely relief flooded into his heart and mind.

Marian almost skipped for joy as she saw her husband coming down the path, his face alight with a lovely smile.
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This article has been read 348 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Larry Whittington
10/17/16
It wasn't a smooth easy read for me. I think it was because I was not able to keep track of who was doing the talking. I also noticed a different spelling in Marion, and Marian

It did sound like the day was hectic until the Bible verses began to be put to good use.

We all need to remember the verses of the Bible were put there for us to use and live by each day.
Sandra DeHoogh
10/18/16
Love how He unpacks truth for us in the everyday. Enjoy the theme, the take home and the outcome.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
10/20/16
This is an interesting story that shows how little things can weigh us down and turn into much bigger things. It also shows how if something is important to us, it's important to God too.

Be careful about POV shifts. You hopped into a few different heads. You showed Jamie's thoughts, Marion's, and Mom's. Remember the reader should only know what the MC sees, hears, thinks, or knows.

I think you did a nice job of writing on topic. I suspect the wife may have been praying for her husband for some time. God has wonderful ways of touching our hearts when we least expect it.