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TITLE: The Welcome | Previous Challenge Entry
By Mike Hill
08/17/16
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Hi, I noticed your handsome young family in the service this morning. The place you sat was the Shaw’s normal place. Luckily they weren’t here! I just wanted to extend a hand of fellowship and say that we’re so glad you came to visit our church today. Everybody calls me Art. If you don’t know, you've come to visit a really solid, well-connected church. You do know that the movers and shakers of the city come here? Three of the wealthiest people in the city are members as well as many CEO's. The building has even been used as a location in a TV series. We're about as good of a church as you could possibly want. The sanctuary has just been remodeled and I think it looks nicer than all the downtown churches now. But, if you ask me, it took far too long to finally decide to renovate. That old mauve carpet was really ugly. You could do well by joining, just think of the contacts. We are smack dab in one of the wealthiest counties in America!

I see that you are young, and that's what we need around here - some new blood! Did you look around this morning and notice all the gray hair, including mine? A couple of years ago the powers decided that we lacked younger folks and they decided to start doing all the right stuff to attract the younger generation. Out of that decision evolved the sanctuary renovation, the new internet/multi-media cafe in the youth area, new choir robes, the coffee bar, playing more of that praise music, we even had a motorcycle on stage a few months ago. Yet, we still can't seem to bring them in. Maybe what we need is a new, younger, hipper preacher. Wish we could be closer to the mall and all the new restaurants, I bet we'd get some traffic then. That big church down the street is closer and keeps getting bigger. Their parking lot is always overflowing, even on Sunday nights and Wednesday nights.

You know, maybe you could tell me something. You're young, tell me, what is it with your generation? We have a beautiful building, a great choir, a big pipe organ, our senior pastors all have Doctorates, professors teaching many Sunday school classes, twelve youth and children choirs, an orchestra, a gym, and all the youth sports, and yet we don't seem to be attracting the young crowd. We have over 400 youth in the youth program, many with parents that don’t attend, but then they go off to college and we never see them again.

Those millennials are always saying we're judgmental, hypocritical, separated, behind the times, and intolerant. Well I'd like to show them what intolerance really is and knock some sense into their worldly minds. Besides how disrespectful can they be coming into this beautiful sanctuary wearing shorts and flip-flops? And the girls, they're showing way too much skin and need to wear longer skirts and higher necklines. Didn’t their parents teach them any respect and modesty?

Their children are always crying and whining in church. I guess they don't know how to properly discipline. But at least they are probably married. So many of them aren't. Afraid of commitment I'd say. I’ve heard it said they are afraid of divorce. Most of my friends are on their second or third marriages and they seem to be happy. Do any have real jobs? Drive and determination to make your fortune doesn't seem high on their lists.

We have a praise service at 9:30 and you'd think they'd flock to it. We put in the screens as they requested and it's got that praise band that sings all those songs that keep on going and going, singing the same words over and over. It's so loud you can barely think. But they take up all the good parking spaces. I've been here sixteen years supporting this church and you’d think I deserve a better parking space than those young ones. They've got younger legs and I bet they don't even give much in the offering!

Again we want to thank you for visiting. Hope you come back. You’re always welcome here. I'd like to stay and talk some more, but that new assistant pastor preached for too long and is going to make us late to the restaurant and we won’t get a good table.

Huh? My name? Sure, it's Art E. Ficial

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