The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
You do a wonderful job with this story. You introduce the conflict right away and pulled me into the story and kept my attention to the very end.

Remember to start a new paragraph each time someone different speaks. I don't know that you needed the curiosity killed the cat line. Your story was obviously on topic and it sounded a little odd to have the mom say that,

You did do a nice job of covering the topic and you have a nice grasp of the show don't tell concept. Words like shimmied painted the perfect picture for me. This was a delightful read.
10/21/13
Loved this entire piece! Thank you. Good job.

God bless~