The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/11/12
Great job with the topic and a very interesting story with an intriguing message.

Nicely done. Thanks.

God Bless~
This is a sweet story. I enjoyed your MC and his thoughtful nature really shined through.

If you could do a little more showing instead of telling, that would help really pull the reader into the story. For example this line: he was slightly apprehensive. is telling. Try to show the reader with something like this: He fidgeted from foot to foot as his eyes darted around the church. That paints a picture for the reader.

I liked your message a lot. It is true that if a person is a Christian the day they leave this earth is the best day ever for them. I bet if you could poll people many would wish that instead of tears of sorrow people celebrate their life instead of mourn it. Of course the people left behind are missing their loved ones but like you said they might be in Heaven right now telling jokes. Nice job.
10/12/12
Yes, there is such a difference when one attends a Christian funeral versus a non-Christian one. At the previous, there is celebration and this is good. I enjoyed the story you conveyed; however, I would like to have seen more showing in your writing. Nonetheless, you told a very convincing story.
10/14/12
Funerals are meant to be celebrations. Even though we are sad, there is much joy for a loved one who knows Christ!
10/16/12
A beautiful story. I liked how you had the attendees welcome the captain as if he were family. You showed what a funeral should be like. Good job.

God Bless!
10/16/12
Very interesting story and a unique take on the topic. Thanks for sharing.
10/17/12
Having conducted hundreds of funerals, I have relived so many of them through reading your work. You have captured such accurate personal profiles with brilliant descriptions, and the fragrance of grace permeates the aroma of the food as well. Congratulations on a great job.
10/19/12
Congrats and God Bless~