Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: In The Kitchen - deadline 7-19-12 @ 9:59 AM NY Time (07/12/12)
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TITLE: Catch me here. | Previous Challenge Entry
By Millicent Njue
07/18/12 -
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There is warmth in the room. Fellowship too as members of my family and friends meet here each on a different mission. This is the place to visit when one just needs to chew on a raw carrot. Or just gaze lovingly at the refrigerator. Then there is the taster who does not need a lot of coaxing to try out anything that comes out of the oven.
I love the smells that come from this room. Sometimes they serve as pointers to what to expect out of that room. It seems there is always something happening in this room. Endless cups of tea are brewed in here. The blender machine is not left behind on the activity list also. Something is always on in this place.
I believe this is one room in the house that is most frequented. There is reason to go there any time of the day. At times it is for that occasional peep in the refrigerator just to be sure there is something to bite when he hunger pangs bite.
This room offers nourishment to all members of the family thus is the favorite place to share love by providing nutritious food and at the same time serves to help engage my creative abilities at coming up with crafty meals for the family.
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Just some little red ink. You may want to break the piece into several small paragraphs with double space between so as to not overwhelm the reader without enough white space.
You may also want to find a proofreader to help you spot the little things like the opening line isn't a complete sentence. Also you didn't use any commas which can be essential to the meaning of some sentences.
You did a nice job of writing on topic and I thought your idea was fresh and creative. you made the appliances jump to life for me in this sweet little tale. Keep writing, you have some great natural talent that needs just a touch of polishing (But then just about every piece written in under a week could use some polishing)