The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/14/11
clever story :-) perfect in fact :-) maybe think of your title as that also draws in the reader and although the story began ith sin it was so much more than that and something about the angles would have sparkled :-)
You gave some really interesting facts .I thought it was going to be just about sin, but was pleasantly surprised that you went in a different direction.

In the first paragraph, you have Angelica speaking in the first person, then it switches to third. Then Mama is is first person. Just be aware of that. Also Angelica seemed much younger than a high schooler, but that could just depend on each person's personal experiences.

I also enjoyed the relationship between the mother and daughter. You can tell they have a great relationship. You did a good job and presented a fresh take on the topic.