Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Flowers (10/03/05)
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TITLE: WHERE WAS FORGIVENESS? | Previous Challenge Entry
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10/08/05 -
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She whispered a song, deep in her heart; long and forgotten it refrained; burdened with memories that pained, a soul that was lost in the dark.
She clipped the red rose from its stem: alas, the thorn ripped her finger that bled; the sob that threatened within her became a torrent of shame.
She knelt humbly, head bowed low among the fragrance and the softness; shadowed with a cloud of guilt, she searched for peace that was denied her.
In the serenity of the living garden, among the green leaves of purity, she craved for forgiveness at last, through a ray of gleaming sunshine?
She clawed her way to the cross, a figure so alone, utterly lost; deep within her, a tormented cry, in the shadows forever?
The sky dimmed in the midst of morn, with thunder that roared in the wind; she lay inert in the blinding mist, a troubled soul, distant.
Where was salvation, forgiveness? why was sorrow deep in her soul? the light waned, darkness prevailed, her life adrift in the roguish wind.
She gazed at the rose in her hand, bloodied and crumpled in shreds; her eyes were dazed and blinded, seared by the lightning's flash.
Her soul rose to face her accuser; her burdens laid to rest at last; her smile lingered, preciously, as she kissed the last rose of winter.
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I'm a bit put off by the long sentences with multiple semicolons. Might you consider breaking them into shorter sentences?
I like that you don't tell us more about her--it allows each reader to interpret your character and her emotional changes. Nicely done.