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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: The Media (in any form) (11/11/10)
The streets of the City were bustling along, people of all shapes, sizes, and colors were busy running around. I saw a woman and her toddler daughter walking down the sidewalk and ducked inside a Medical building, in front of the build was a coffee stand where a business man got a large cup. I was intimidated; the City frightened me most of the time. I had lived in New York for all of my life; however this was the first being in the City.
“Excuse me, Miss?” I swiftly turned toward the voice; it was coming from behind me. I stared down at my dirty and tattered dress. I remembered this beautiful dress that once was white as snow. I peered down at my feet, trying to hide my face from the person who called me… he could be after me, was he friend or foe?
Oh my word… My eyes caught the glimpse of a newspaper on the ground. It was wet and tattered from people walking on it. The picture on the front was of a teen girl with long hair, perfectly in place. Her smile was wide and her teeth straight and white. It’s me… A puff of air blew through my lips, my whole body heaved with my heavy sigh.
“Kate? Kate!” The voice was getting closer, more urgent. I glanced back at the man and turned away swiftly. I didn’t know this person, I glanced back at the newspaper and as if it was some sort of sign; I read the word above my picture. “Runaway…”
“No, Come back here!” the voice was firm but getting quieter, I was already running away. I wasn’t going to stop, I ran as fast as I could, running past people who were yelling expletives back at me. I didn’t care; I wanted to get out of here.
The subway, I should get on the subway. My thoughts were interrupting my run but I obeyed my thoughts and ducked inside the stairs leading to the subway platform. I stood there and rested; the air was moving fast through my gasps. My hand flew up to my heart; it was pounding furiously much like the heavy pounds of the man’s feet chasing me. I froze where I stood and watched as he ran right past where I stood. He didn’t see me hiding where I was and he kept going. He ran towards the small park where parents had their kids and dogs, running around and playing. I longed to see my parents again; anger filled me as I remembered so long ago when I was first kidnapped.
“Bane, she’s over there!” An angry voice ripped through my thoughts. I jumped and glanced all around, I saw one man running over towards where I stood. My eyes met the other man, Bane I assumed. I had to think quickly, I glanced to a woman who was coming up the stairs from the Subway platform. She was holding a newspaper in her left hand; I could read the words on it. Subway’s closed… Her hand was covering the rest of the words. Bane reached me before the other man had but then I realized Bane was holding him off.
“Give it up! You won’t kidnap me here in the middle of the City where there are hundreds of witnesses.” I was now facing Bane; my smile was laced with arrogance. “Bane, Is it?” He twitched when I said his name; he eyes were fixed on the man behind me. His harsh glare was meant for him; then I noticed a slight smile. I moved out of the way just as the man behind me lunged forward, he landed on the ground with a loud thump. Bane leaned over to help him up; I didn’t think twice about it. I turned and ran as fast as I could.
A newspaper, find a newspaper! My thoughts hissed at me but I smiled in response. I ran across the road and I kept running, I ran right for the newspaper stand. I stopped short, staring at the newspapers on display. My eyes scanned the newspapers; they were different than the one I saw earlier. My parent’s smiling faces covered them all; the headline was heart-wrenching. Tears threatened my eyes and stung. I fell to my knees my body heaving with hysterics. Lawyer & Wife Slain… The headline pierced my heart, but I knew we would all be together soon enough. It was over.
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This article has been read 786 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Mildred Sheldon
11/20/10
I enjoyed this very much. A bit of advice. Please put a space between paragraphs. It makes the article easier to read.
Jan Ackerson
11/20/10
Lots of action and suspense here.

I found it hard to follow at times, and there were some writing issues (comma splices and run-ons) that hampered the flow somewhat.

You really make your readers care about this girl and her fate.
Brenda Rice
11/22/10
Very gripping story. You got me totally involved with your MC. I enjoyed reading this very much.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/25/10
This is a suspenseful story. There's so much more I want to know and wish I could keep reading.
AnneRene' Capp
12/10/10
Great suspense Becky and great plot. This leaves so many questions for the reader which makes us want to know more, keep reading and find out the whole story. With a little polishing, I believe you have the beginnings of a great novel here and want to encourage you to keep going with this.