The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 955 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
03/19/10
I truly enjoyed this one! Your use of words, phrases, and expressions is so authentic and natural. You kept me engaged all throughout. I admired your characterization of patient Deed ( waited six years, and finally struck water!) and Missy... I think she's real cool :) Great job.
Thanks.
This is a charming story. I loved the dialect and can picture every detail you so vividly described.
03/21/10
Charming story with lots of atmosphere and excellent characterization of Deed.

Would it be more effective, maybe, to have Deed be the only one speaking in dialect? And there were a few too many unnecessary commas.

Love the "salsa" word "Bequeathed" in the title--well done!
03/21/10
Fun story! I loved the "hill-billy" dialect. Goofy accents are always enjoyable. And I like the way the character stood her ground in her faith and still helped the old man with the Lord's assistance. Doing things God's way is always the best way. I look forward to the next installment of the story.
03/22/10
Engaging and creative.

(Red Ink: A few nasty, pesky commas showing up where they ain't wanted.)
03/23/10
Oh… great way to set up a story! What a "colorful" character Deed is. I like the contrast between Missy and Deed. This story has a great voice!
Call me a Simon Cowell Knock-off, but even without perfect mechanics, whoever wrote this has great writing instinct. It was SO REAL reading it. You got that something special going here.
Amen.
I, too enjoyed this story. It sounded authentic - as if it truly was an episode in your MC's life. I would liked to have seen the MC speaking in their own dialect and not mimicking Deed's - in that it might otherwise seem condescending. Loved the way you worked the gold pan into your story as a vehicle for prayer - so very, very clever and creative.
03/24/10
Very good.