The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/09/07
Good story - couple of suggestions that might help - I was told to be specific - don't use words like much, many and things- detail is better sometimes. You might want to work on the last line abit more too - by showing his reaction and not telling us as much?? Just some thoughts - but a good story and good delivery:))
Assuming this is fictional- which of course it may not be- could it be written in the first person, and come across stronger? Just a thought.