The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/17/07
I really enjoyed this story! It was beautifully written, with realistic dialogue and vivid descriptions that made everything come alive.

Wonderful theme concerning the truth about immortality outside heaven. Reading this reminded me of the movie "Tuck Everlasting."

I also enjoyed the humor inserted--Marci's unprofessional use of "line-thingy" and the smell of Mom's apple pie. Great job!
05/18/07
You packed a lot in this short story - good lesson - life without love is worthless.
Excellent story. It certainly brings home some very relevent truths. After the fall of mankind, God, in His MERCY, allowed us to die. Imagine if we had to live on this fallen earth forever. Horrors!!
05/19/07
Very well done, I enjoyed your story. Thank you for sharing!
05/21/07
Wonderful story, but an even better message! Good job! I liked how everyone fled from the woman, but when they got to the ship, and the memory slowly faded, the one man wanted to go back. The essence of temptation and sin, isn't it? Great job!
Very good. Interesting take on science fiction. A winner in my book.
05/22/07
Wonderful--and you don't usually write prose? Wowsers, this is great stuff.
05/22/07
Great story that kept my interest from beginning to end! It also has an important message about living life with love and purpose! You used some excellent descriptive words in this and generated good suspense throughout! :)
This is very good! I like the 'life lesson' and the story. the words by the 'witch-lady' were the most meaningful. It kind of makes you stop and think. Wonderful writing!
I love how the message dominated the story from the beginning. This is excellent science fiction.
05/23/07
Very nicely done - great message and entertaining story line.
05/23/07
Great writing, great story!
05/23/07
This was excellent. As noted it was well written and the story certainly did come alive for me as well. Great dialogue and important message. My only nit: using the word “valley” three times so close together in the one paragraph. Overall a great job!
Well done!
05/23/07
Extremely well-written. My only suggestion would be to put your note at the end of the story instead of the beginning - that way we aren't "looking for" the ending you provide necessarily. For a poet, you're quite a prose writer! ;)
05/24/07
Super concept and execution. Kept me interested. God bless.