The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 696 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
03/13/06
Gripping story, and I love the ending.
I could identify with the fear and anxiety. Great job of building the mystery while recounting the events of the past at the same time.
This was a terrific read. Gripping, terrific-awesome!
03/15/06
Very suspenseful and gripping. Your paragraphs are very short; combining some of them would make this a less "choppy" read. And many, many or your sentences begin with "She." Consider combining, or playing with word order, to give your sentences greater variety. A great story--no one would suspect a policeman!
03/16/06
A few sentences needed puctuation correction...I thought the choppy sentences added to the suspense but I would have combined a few more. Not sure about the ending sentence..but overall... you presented her mounting fear very well and kept me going all the way through!!:) Good job!