The Official Writing Challenge
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03/07/06
This was so good, but when I turned the page to read how it ended, it wasn't there. It was great as far as it went.
03/08/06
A very good story and very touching for the Batista's. The remorse Dave felt was a sufficiently good ending. The Batista's lives would never be the same.
03/10/06
This was a great story. I think the ending was sufficient, too...though I wonder if there could be more...
Great story, pinpointing the importance of keeping one's mind on the road. I too, thought it was missing an ending. Good job!
03/10/06
Great thumbnail sketches of Dave, Juanita and her mother. I can see them and the places they are in really clearly. This is a tragic story told with compassion.

A few thoughts:

A good thing to strive for is to not be predictable.

Watch your shifting point of view. In the second para you give us the clue with the extra spacing that you are shifting POV but we see things in that section from both Juanita's and her mother's POV. Also in the last paragraph you set the scene as if Dave is already there and them have him enter

It's good that the ending isn't all resolved. I'd be interested to know why you made the choice of finishing it as you did. Please PM me if you have time. Yeggy
03/10/06
Too bad about that pseky word limit, huh? Well done character sketches.
03/10/06
Ouch! I have a seven year old daughter. Powerful stuff.
Re: the ending - I think as it is it feels unfinished but you could leave it at that point with a different closing sentence or two.
03/10/06
I kinda like that your ending leaves me wanting more. That way, I get to consider the story...the characters...the possibilities, and...the effects of my actions...
Good story. Good lessons.
03/10/06
I loved the suspense..the wording and the way you set the whole story up. VERY good! Yes, the ending left me wanting...but didn't detract from how well you wrote it. I was there with all the characters.
03/11/06
No,no, no!!! Good writing ... I was right there with you and glad that you didn't go into a lot of detail with the accident. How awful.

Well done.
03/11/06
I think more detail is needed because if he didn't leave the scene of the accident he would not be arrested, so my question is why was he in jail? Other than that interesting.
03/11/06
Hey! I need an ending to this fantastic story! All my emotions are in play here and I need 'something!' How do the parents react when they first see Dave? What does he feel when he sees them? Are they the ones praying? Debbie - help me out here! (great story by the way) ;)