The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/07/06
I really enjoyed this picture. A nice take on the topic and excellent message. The only thing I might change is this line: "The acrid smell of burnt fat lingers in my nostrils. Smooth pine cools my feet. Dread is clutching at my guts." The "smooth pine cools my feet" seems to contradict the rest of the picture. How about "pine needles pricked my feet"? Great job.
03/08/06
Very good. I think this is the first time I have ever imagined what the High Priest must have felt like on the day of atonement. You might want to include as part of the ceremonial dress the bells around his ankles.
Wow! This is very, very good. My heart was touched by the perspective of the High Priest, especially these thoughts...

"Their only hope: that I go in.
My only hope: that I approach in the manner He has prescribed."


The only thing I stumbled over was the word "guts"...I wasn't sure if it should be plural or if it should be singular..."gut". Might check on that.

Anyway...I loved this. Polish it up and submit it somewhere...even if it doesn't place in the challenge. Thanks for writing it.
03/13/06
Wow - you've really brought this to life! What an awesome take on 'enter'! Great writing.
This was beautiful Helen.

Great job on placing in the top five. Thanks for all your kind words you give to all of us!
03/16/06
Good job and I liked it. Thank you for looking at my writing and if you can offer any help as to where I should put commas and such please do so. I was never good in english but I keep trying. Hope to some day get it right.
Thank You
Great Writing!! I really felt for the priest. I thought you were going to tie it in with Jesus--but I was surprised a bit by the ending.
04/13/06
An incredible visual. I always thought I had a decent perspective on the sacrifice and the Holy of Holies, but through your short piece I feel I have an inside look.
Great job!
Great visual/emotional involvement. Very well done, very involving!! You've captured this moment well - and at the gut level, no less....