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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: End (02/13/06)

TITLE: Memories of Grandpa
By T. F. Chezum


I saw him lay still on the bed.
My thoughts were overcome with dread.
“It won’t be long,” the doctor said.
“I’m sure he’s near the end.”

In disbelief I stopped to stare,
“That can’t be Grandpa lying there.”
It was more than I could bear,
His fate seemed to impend.

As I approached him, moved to tears,
I struggled to contain my fears.
Reflections of our precious years,
In scenes my mind would blend.

I cried out to God to complain,
“How dare you cause me so much pain?
I feel my soul has just been slain.
More time I want to spend.”

He looked at me and gently said
“You still have your whole life ahead.
Don’t dwell on me here in this bed,
Your thoughts you should amend.

“I leave here now with no regret,
For Jesus paid my final debt.”
His words I will not soon forget,
“I hope you comprehend.”

“I don’t know why you have to go.
It’s just not fair, it hurts me so.”
I turned so my tears wouldn’t show,
“Your body, God must mend.”

“Time will soon reduce your grief,
But please stay strong in your belief.
For Satan springs up like a thief
With thoughts hard to defend”

“I still do not believe it’s fair.”
I waved my arms up in the air,
“I don’t think He can really care.
It must be just pretend.”

“That’s part of the devil’s bait,
Turning despair into hate.”
He seemed in such a serene state,
His spirit wouldn’t bend.

“But Grandpa, I just feel so sad.
I think of all the times we’ve had.
To know you’re leaving makes me mad
You’ve been like my best friend

"An answer is what I demand.
Is this what our Lord has planned?
Please help me to understand,
I hope I don’t offend.”

“To reach my time with no more pain,
Where tears won’t cause my cheeks to stain,”
He continued to explain,
“This mortal life must end.”

Then he calmly turned away.
“I love you,” was all I could say.
As softly he began to pray
His spirit would ascend.

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This article has been read 1061 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 02/22/06
I love the rhyme scheme here, and the meter is nearly perfect. Lovely and charming all around. One suggestion: the many quotation marks make it hard to keep track of the two speakers. Consider putting Grandpa's words in italics, instead? But really, this is very minor, in a poem just full of tenderness and wisdom. Love it.
Brandi Roberts02/22/06
I love this meter! Unfortunately, it's not the most suitable for this type of story-line-thingie (sorry, my brain isn't working). You have a perfect meter here, and everything rhymes well. Oh, and I would change the last line to "His Spirit did ascend."

Otherwise this is a masterful piece and full of heart! Well done!
Cheryl Harrison02/23/06
I do not know much about poetry, but I loved the rhyme and the rhythm. :o) Good job!
Shari Armstrong 02/23/06
Well, I'm not a poet, but the rhyme scheme is amazing! Well done, wow - as for what could be improved, I'll leave that to a poet lol
Garnet Miller 02/23/06
Great poem. I loved the meter. Grandpa gave some sage advice.

Anita Neuman02/23/06
You did well to convey such emotion contained in a strict pattern. Very well done indeed!
Linda Watson Owen02/23/06
Such a tender poem of love between grandson and grandfather! Yes, I too love that enchanting rhyme scheme. Very appealing! Wonderful job! I enjoyed it very much.
Maxx .02/24/06
I never could write poetry like this. Always apprwciate it when I see it done well. I really liked this stanza

“Time will soon reduce your grief,
But please stay strong in your belief.
For Satan springs up like a thief
With thoughts hard to defend”

Very very good. Thanks!
c clemons02/26/06
I thought the meter was off, because the last line rhymed with the last line of the next stanza that made it less than smooth to me. But what do I know? I am still learning too. My question is was this a young child? If so, the word choice was okay, if not then I would have liked to see a more adult flair.
Sally Hanan02/27/06
Great message in here, and some good one-liners.
Rachel Rudd 03/05/06
I liked the rhyme scheme, too...brings unity to the poem as a whole!