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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Home (01/09/06)

TITLE: Domus Infirmus
By Shari Armstrong
01/16/06


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“Who does he think he is anyway?” someone in the crowd mumbled.

Marcus didn’t allow the people to distract him from his goal. He’d heard the rumors about the one calling himself the Christus. He knew it was taking a huge risk, but his whole life had been about taking risks. Phineas had been loyal to him during all the campaigns. He had to try.

Every now and then he would catch a glimpse through the every-growing crowd. “Domine!” he called. “Lord!” He saw the man stop and he hurried to catch up before he moved again. “Lord, my servant is at home sick with palsy and is in a lot of pain.” Looking into those eyes, he could understand why Rome was so worried about this man. He had true peace, not the pax Romana that was forced upon the land.

“I will come and heal him.”

The simplicity of the answer surprised Marcus. “Lord, I am not worthy that you should come under my roof: but speak the word only, and my servant shall be healed.” He wasn’t sure how, but this man had the air of authority about him, but it was tempered by some greater power. “For I also am a man under authority, having soldiers under me. And I say to this one, 'Go,' and he goes; and to another, 'Come,' and he comes; and to my servant, 'Do this,' and he does it."

This man spoke to the crowd and commended Marcus for his faith. This did not sit well with those gathered around. He spoke of a kingdom and that some who were expecting to be part of the kingdom would find themselves cast out and in torment. Marcus didn’t understand all that he heard, but he knew it was the truth.

He turned back to Marcus. "Go your way; and as you have believed, so let it be done for you."

Marcus didn’t hesitate; he simply followed the orders he’d been given. He thought about all he had heard on his trip home. There was more to this man than what met the eye. He knew that his life was never going to be the same. Marcus was so wrapped up in thought as he walked, that he found himself at home in no time.

“Master!” a voice interrupted his thoughts. “It’s Phineas! He’s whole! It’s as if one of the gods reached down and touched him.”

Marcus smiled, “Not a god, the God.” Marcus gathered his household and told them of his experience with the Christus.

(based on Matthew 8:5-13 KJV and NKJV)


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This article has been read 1023 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Dara Sorensen01/16/06
Good rendition of the Biblical account! I love the title; you certainly did your research!
Amy Michelle Wiley 01/17/06
Great take on the story and topic! I felt like we kinda slipped out of the MC's head for a minute when Jesus was talking to the crowd, but otherwise good job!
Jan Ackerson 01/19/06
I love this! Great job; we tend to always think of Romans as the "bad guys", but Marcus had a wonderful, open heart.

Perhaps eliminate the last sentence? Marcus' realization about God is the heart of the piece.

Bravo!
Sue Stone01/19/06
Domine, non sum dignus, ut intres sub tectum meum! Liked it. A nice presentation. But I think you might have preferred to use Christos instead of the latinate Christus - but that's a quibble.
Alexandra Wilkin01/19/06
Very well presented, and this flowed very well. I liked the conclusion very much. God Bless.
Pat Guy 01/19/06
Good job on this passage! Bringing it to life was great from beginning to end! Enjoyed this!
Julianne Jones01/20/06
I finally found it! I think those who can bring these well-known Bible stories to life have a real talent - you've done well. I agree though that the last sentence lessens the overall impact. Overall, a well-written piece. Keep writing!
Linda Watson Owen01/20/06
Very creative take on 'home'! I never would have thought of this Bible story, but it works beautifully! Good job!
Maxx .01/20/06
ahhhh... I found it! The title threw me, but I'm glad I dove in. Strong retelling of a great story... and a perfect take on Home. You are a gifted author! Thanks!
Marilyn Schnepp 01/21/06
As a simple peon with no instruction in foreign lingo...I feel inadequate to comment; but I always love a Bible story retold! And this one, (minus the alien words that I do not comprehend)struck me as excellent! Thank you for a beautiful repeat of that particular story of going home.
Suzanne R01/23/06
So I commented on two other entries, each time thinking it was yours ... not that I mind ... but now I have read yours! Well done. I enjoyed this story being retold from the perspective of the centurion ... excellent work.
Val Clark01/24/06
This has to be one of my fav. Biblical stories. You've dome a great job of bringing it to life for me. Don't stress about the Latin, a reader just has to work a leeetle harder, that's all. Yeggy