Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Escape (01/02/06)
-
TITLE: A Mother's Addiction | Previous Challenge Entry
By Debbie Sickler
01/09/06 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
Desire overtakes me. I can’t think about anything else. I want it. No. I need it. There is no escape from the temptation.
Faintly I hear my children crying from the living room. They want me as much as I want my next fix. Why won’t they just play and leave me to my quest?
I know I still have some more around here somewhere. If I could only find it, I’d feel happy again. Where is it?
Ah, there it is! I found the hidden treasure at last!
I open the container quickly, anticipation of nirvana causing my fingers to tingle. Within moments, the treasure chest is emptied of its booty. I slump to the floor, my head resting on a cupboard door, a pleased grin on my face. My eyes close as I drift off, lost in my own world. I can feel it working…
My body reels with the euphoria, riding the high for every precious second it will last. I know the feeling is fleeting. I don’t care. All that matters is this one moment in time.
The rush is always an enjoyable experience. That’s what makes it so hard to give up the habit. Over the years, I’ve tried desperately. Nothing can stop the tormenting desire that courses through me. I think about it and my pulse rate rises, my breathing quickens, my mouth salivates. I am weakened by temptation until I satisfy the need.
My inner demons now slumber. I return to my family, but the pleasure is short lived. They will awaken. They always do.
All too quickly I feel them stirring deep with in me. Why do they torture me so? Will I ever be freed? I don’t want to live this way anymore. I can’t live this way anymore.
I’m dying; my addiction is killing me one fix at a time.
The girls were just being so cute. Why can’t I hold onto the happiness of that moment? The answer? I’m weak. That’s it. It’s nothing that can be helped. If only there was someone stronger than me, someone who actually cared if I lived or died.
My precious Emma looks up from the game board and sees my wet cheeks. “What’s the matter mamma?” she asks in her most tender voice.
How do I explain something like this to a child so young? “Nothing sweetie. Mommy’s just got a problem.”
“Can I help?” Jamie rushes to put her arms around my leg.
“Mommy needs someone a little bigger honey.” Their sympathy causes the tears to flow even more.
“Someone like Jesus mamma? Ms. Ally says He’s big enough to help everybody at the same time, even Jordan, but I told her nobody could help a big meanie like him!” Emma’s eyes grow wide and her little face beams.
“This isn’t the type of thing to bother Jesus with.” I tussle her hair and give them each a kiss on the forehead. “Keep playing your game. I just need a few minutes alone guys.” I wander off down the hall to my bedroom.
Maybe Jesus is the answer? He’s always helped in the past, but this is my own fault. Would he really care about something like this? I guess the Bible does teach us to cast all of our cares on him…
What other choice do I have? I obviously can’t do it on my own.
“God, I’m sorry I’ve messed up my life so badly. I feel so pathetic. I told myself I would never have an addiction. It just…snuck up on me. Please set me free from this. Nothing else ever helps...”
I know my new quest will not be as simple as my little prayer, but somehow I don’t feel as weak any more. I can’t say the addiction is gone, more like dormant really. It could awaken at any time, but I know I’m not fighting alone anymore. Jesus does care if I live or die. I return to my beautiful daughters with a new hope.
“Mamma, I’m hungry. What’s for dinner?” Jamie always seems hungry. She must take after me, poor thing.
“Let’s try something new, something good for us for a change.” I walk to the kitchen and wonder if we even have any veggies.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
The prayer is the first step toward healing, and recovery often starts with hope.
I don't think you left this unfinished; maybe others would disagree, but hope is followed by taking the steps back to normalcy in your life (the reference to veggies).
How far she had slipped is shown in her lack of awareness of what is in her kitchen pantry to eat.
Her thought about Jamie seeming to always be hungry could be the first glimmers of realization that Jamie might have a predilection to become a future addict (that unfillable inner emptiness and always searching for something to fill it.)
If this doesn't make it to the lists of top entries, I will be very surprised. Blessings to you, and abundantly!
Blessings, Lynda
This was really touching - the way the children were so innocent and refreshing - and the way the main character took her problem to Jesus on their advice and then made a step herself to have a healthy dinner.
Well done.
The truth is, food can be just as much of an addiction and give you a 'rush' too. It can be used to fill a void just like any other drug and leaves you feeling just as empty and alone in the end. Only God can fill the emptiness.
I've enjoyed reading everyone's takes on this. Sandra is way deeper than I am! I love her interpretation of why I mentioned the little girl always being hungry. I just wanted a way to hint that the addiction was to food. We'll pretend Sandra's right... ;)