The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 818 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
01/09/06
Sweet story of Jesus' love. I liked the message.
01/11/06
You protrayed the voice of Jesus exactly as I love to think of Him. I especially loved your last two paragraphs.
The idea of structuring it as dialogue only is very interesting, and done very well: it does need a little polish here and there, otherwise a simply message of love and faith conveyed very well. God bless.
01/13/06
01/13/06
My computer and my mind is playing games with me, sorry.
When I began reading I thought this was dialogue between God and David the shepherd boy right before David killed Goliath. Now I see that this is any one of us whenever we encounter a larger-than-life problem.
Your dialogue flowed pretty well. I wonder if the second long paragraph of dialogue could be rewritten in some way. It just sounded a little 'stiff' to me.
You also needed a couple of commas here and there: "The good the bad and the ugly happened here and nothing ever changes." (commas should be placed between items in a series); “Now, look child at the thing you were so afraid of.” (Could this be written "Now look, child, at the thing you were so afraid of"?)
A very creative look at practicing the Presence of God and, through it, finding escape.