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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Exhale (08/15/13)
She remembers the exhale as if it were yesterdays memory! With nostrils hurting from the scent of death in the air, cautiously she walks down the long white hallway, keeping her eyes averted from any contact with other possible family members that could be rushing in to say their final goodbyes. The air was warm it was hugging her lungs too tightly, It felt like the walls were going to collapse around her. Finally reaching the two large wooden doors, the young woman pauses to glance through the narrow rectangular window, she can see the room number three twenty-four, and her heart falters. Fighting back tears she slowly pushes the door open and lets it swing closed behind without looking back. Mechanical steps echoes like thunder clapping against the Rockies, and with every step her anxiousness increases, with thoughts now tearing through her mind like a runaway train, she questions, did she make the right decision? After traveling thousands of miles would she arrive in time to say good-bye? Her thoughts are interrupted by faint music drifting through the hallway, when the notes reached her ears, it stings the young heart like a thousand bees! She knows those lyrics by heart, they were meant to be good-byes, a final farewell to a dear loving grandma that the Lord had so richly blessed a young girls life with.

I could hear the rattle in her shallow breathing and with each labored breath I knew she was fighting to hold onto life. Walking over to the edge of the bed I took her boney little hand in mine, I leaned over and whispered in her ear “I’m here grandma” her loving eyes slowly opened and with barely a sound she whispered, “more ice” as I reached over for the little white styrofoam cup of ice shavings, in an instant all my doubts and fears of this journey no longer existed. I inhaled nervously, and then exhaled with nothing but love and gratitude for this dear soul that once was so vibrant, now lay so deathly still.

No words were spoken, I sat there holding her hand and carefully continued feeding her ice shavings between her drifting in and out of restless sleep. I hadn’t forgotten the music and singing that was still playing quietly in the old tape recorder, I just hadn’t had time to zone in on it, the memories of recording the song choices for this dear individual that her continued life consisted of inhaling breaths so painfully slow, and me holding my breath waiting and listening for her to exhale, which eventually would come after what seemed like an eternity!

An hour passed with nurses coming and going, my thoughts were able to relax a little into semi conscious reminiscing of treasured childhood memories of time spent at the farm with my grandma. During one of these memories I was jarred by a very feeble voice requesting me to sing a song for her, “I’ll Fly Away” Without hesitation I began to sing the cherished old gospel song. I watched her as I sang and there seemed to be a slight smile on those dried chapped lips, those lips that had kissed my young cheeks when I was a young girl kneeling on the stool watching her as she baked her famous gingersnaps! I was nearing the second last line of the chorus and my voice faltered and I paused, she whispered, “It’s okay, sing it, sing it with all your heart” I was crying now and with tears streaming down my cheeks I sang, “When I die hallelujah by and by” the song was done, and with my tears still falling I kissed my dear grandma, with my ear down close to her lips I heard the long soft final exhale, the exhale from this old earth ~ the final exhale from her tiny body wracked with so much pain, in exchange for streets of purest gold and no more sorrow, sickness, or pain! I kissed her frail hand, and gently placed it back on her now lifeless body, I whispered “I love you grandma, I will see you in the sweet by and by” and with that I turned and walked down the long white hall for the final time, slowly pushing the old wooden door open and letting it swing closed behind me. Without looking back I knew I had just witnessed the final exhale, from this old life into glorious eternity!
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Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
08/22/13
Oh my goodness! I have tears streaming down my cheeks. This was so lovely, and exquisite I am touched and my heart is blessed by this prolific entry.

Sweet rejoicing in knowing our final destination, paradise...no pain, just peace forevermore.


Thank you! God bless~
Jan Ackerson
08/23/13
Very touching, and anyone who has lost a grandparent will certainly relate to this.

Your first paragraph is in 3rd person ("she") and then it switches to 1st person ("I"). In addition, be careful of run-on sentences.

I love the details you added--the room number, the old hymn--all of those made this a fine read.
Brenda Rice
08/23/13
You do have a way with words. I enjoyed this and felt a lot of emotion while reading it.

Thanks for sharing this touching story.
Mike Newman
08/23/13
Wonderful story of a shared final moment in time.

Because I too am guilty of letting sentences and paragraphs wander, I encourage you too chop them up a bit.

Great job, thanks for sharing.