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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Tie (02/28/13)

TITLE: The Beginning of the End
By Dave Walker
03/05/13


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Elizabeth glanced at the clock. He was late home again. No doubt he would say he had been working late. Things had not been easy since Jason's death, each of them cocooned in their own private grief. Though they had suffered the shock together, slowly the walls had grown; walls of unspoken pain and guilt.

Robert took a detour past the hospital. Jenny would be coming off duty in 10 minutes. She understood. She had been on duty when Jason was rushed in wet and limp.

Robert blamed himself for leaving that box in the yard; a box Jason used to climb the swimming pool fence. Elizabeth urged him to forgive himself, but she did not understand his torment.

Jenny's soft brown eyes showed that she knew. When he wept she held him close; her slow smile somehow made everything right. He felt more alive with her than he had in months. The drive past the hospital and the cups of coffee at the diner became the highlight of his day.

He was apologetic as he came home, avoiding her gaze as he spoke, "Sorry I'm late again, darling. I think there must have been an accident on the road. The traffic was unbelievable."

"Unbelievable alright," thought Elizabeth, but she managed a bright smile and gave him a big kiss.

"Well, I'm glad you're home. Supper is waiting. I've cooked your favourite."

"Lamb chops? You are a darling! You spoil me and I don't deserve it."

The conversation was loving, but the underlying tension was palpable.

Week after week, as the same scenario played out, Elizabeth was praying.

"Lord, he is hurting and I sense I am losing him. Guard my heart. I don't know how much longer I can go on. How do I respond to these lame excuses? I desperately need you to intervene."

On the anniversary of Jason's death Elizabeth heard the words she half welcomed, half dreaded. "Lizzy, we have to talk. There is something you need to know."

"Lord, does it have to be now? Just when I have discovered I am pregnant? Should I tell him? No. Not now. He must be free to make his choice."

He sat at the table and she sat opposite. "Lord, keep me calm," she breathed. "Give me the courage to face whatever is coming."

He steeled himself and looked directly at her.

"Liz, honey, things have been difficult between us since Jason died."

She nodded and he continued. "I want to tell you that I have been looking for some kind of comfort elsewhere, and found it."

"This is it, Lord. Give me strength." She nodded. "I suspected as much.

"But last week on the way to work I heard a pastor on the radio. He spoke about finishing well. He said God is not interested in how we start, He wants to know how we will finish. Our behaviour along the way should be governed by a determination to finish well. I have been studying the Scriptures and it's true. The Bible is full of exhortations to trust God in difficult times, to persevere in every situation. Why, in the book of Revelation Jesus tells EVERY church to overcome to the end. I know that applies to our marriage too. The world tells me it is about MY happiness and what makes ME feel good; but the Bible says my reward comes from faithfulness and trust. From now on it's you alone. I want to make this work. Please forgive my stupidity."

He pulled two dolls from his pocket, a boy and a girl, and laid them on the table. Taking out a blue ribbon he passed it around them both. As he tied them together he recited his vows, "I take thee, Elizabeth ............... to have and to hold till death us do part."

He handed her a pink ribbon. "I am giving you the opportunity to do the same."

Sobbing she exclaimed, "Oh yes, Robert." And tied the dolls once more. "Till death us do part."

He took a third ribbon gold, this time and prayed as he tied, "Lord, You have tied us together as one. Those whom God has joined, let no man -- or woman--put asunder."

Thirty years later, Jason looked up at Robert, "Grandpa, what are those dolls on the mantelpiece all tied together for?"

"That's your grandma and me, my boy, tied together by our love and held there by God's faithfulness."

Jason smiled. "Cool!"


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This article has been read 123 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Judith Gayle Smith03/07/13
"Cool" indeed! Wonderful write.
Beth LaBuff 03/12/13
I thought this was well-written. The ending completely satisfied. I had to smile at the grandson asking about the dolls tied together. :)
lynn gipson 03/17/13
oh, this left me with tears in my eyes. What a testimony to Christ and happy endings! Loved it!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 03/17/13
I loved this story. You did a splendid job with it. I could feel the suspense and tension build as I read.

I noticed a couple of things though. Try to avoid the pesky passive verbs like was. Instead just say an active verb like She prayed instead of she was praying. The next concept is a hard one to fully understand and I am still wrapping my mind around it myself. But you have what is called a POV shift. The reader can only see what the MC sees, hears feels and thinks. Since it appears Elizabeth is your MC, then you can't tell the reader what the husband does out of her sight. You could do something like this though: Elizabeth hugged him. Her body stiffened as she recognized the familiar scent. It always took her back to that horrible day at the hospital. The one nurse drowned herself in this perfume and as she sniffed it now, she envisioned the nurse wrapping her arms around her husband and comforting him.

That's not perfect, but just an example to show you what I mean by POV shift.

I think the story was great and I could feel my heart pound as he came home with the dolls. What a brilliant take on the topic. You did a grand job. Congratulations for ranking 6th in level two!