Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Key (02/14/13)
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TITLE: Prideful Charles | Previous Challenge Entry
By Ken Ebright
02/19/13 -
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The sound of paper shuffling was heard as the group arranged their music.
Dawn held up her baton, "One, two three," and started to direct.
Dawn waved the Orchestra to stop. "Charles, what are you doing?"
Charles grinned, "Surprise, I added a few extra notes to your transition. Do you like it?"
"Charles it's not a matter if I like it. I think it sounds weird for you to go off on your own."
Charles smirked. "It adds to the key change that you wrote. I like it."
Dawn gritted her teeth. "You're a professional musician with the Shiloh orchestra. Would you do this to your director?"
Charles face turned red. "That's a paid position. This is just a volunteer opportunity. I'll do what I want."
Dawn waved her finger at Charles. "You'll play the music as it's written."
Charles threw is hands up in the air. "What's so wrong with what I did?"
"Charles you can go home now. We'll not need you for the Sunday service."
"Oh come on, Dawn."
Dawn pointed her finger towards the door. "Go."
A few weeks later Charles showed up at Dawn's office. He sat in a chair and hung his head. Dawn was clicking away at her computer.
With his head down Charles said, "I am sorry."
Dawn just kept on typing.
"Dawn, I was wrong. I guess I have a big head."
She slowly turned around and stared at Charles.
Charles fidgeted in his seat as he looked up. "I said I was sorry, what more do you want me to say."
"Charles you have a prideful spirit it says in James 4:6 that God is against the proud and he gives grace to the humble. You’re very good at the trumpet, but you’re not the worship leader. Because you’re un-willing to take direction you're not longer part of the church orchestra."
Charles started to weep "NO!"
"Charles I'm sorry. "Dawn turned back around and typed away at her computer.
Charles went out and sat in his car. "Why Lord, I don't understand. You gave me these musical abilities and now I can't use them. I just wanted to add to the transition. Why Lord why?"
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I think the ending was a bit abrupt. I would have liked Dawn to practice what she preached a bit and given Charles a second chance. You did, however, show that he hadn't changed much because he was still prideful. so the second chance may not have worked.
Plus the last line didn't really fit since he would consider his paid job as being as if not more important.
I do think you had a strong story idea, it just needed some working at the ending. I did like the way you covered the topic. it's been quite different from others that I've read this week. Good job.