The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/25/13
I like the contrast between Ed's life and Charlie's. Charlie was happy and had a peace knowing the Lord. And Ed? well, what can we say about the poor guy...not much. I like this article and it was the kind of read I like at the end of a day. Great job on this one.
This is a sweet story. I really liked your MC. You did a nice job of developing your characters.

I noticed in the end, it felt a bit rushed and instead of showing like you did earlier, you started telling. You also forgot the quotation marks for the dialog. With practice though, the showing will come easier.

Overall, you did a fine job. I really liked your message about how spending time with the family is obviously more restful than taking a night off with the boys. I think you were able to send your message without it feeling preachy. This was a nice read.
What a refreshing story. I truly enjoyed this. You showed the difference between a family that prays together and one that does not. Good job.
01/26/13
I so enjoyed this entry...nicely done.

God bless~
I enjoyed the contrasts and the message this story delivered. Well done.
01/30/13
This is good. I like it.

It is a bit wordy in places. There are a few places where you could say the same thing but in a more concise way, and it would help with flow a bit too.

I liked the contrast you painted on Monday morning too, to drive in the point one last time. Nice job.
01/30/13
Excellent story, well written and enjoyed very much.
01/30/13
This was a great story with an important message! The first half was especially well-written, with good dialogue and descriptions. I could feel the love Charlie and his family had for each other, and their home sounded like a peaceful sanctuary! Good job! :)
Congratulations for ranking 8th in level two! (Happy Dance!!)