The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/17/13
Well written, good content and good flow with the subject. Great reminder of scripture:“Bless the Lord, who is my rock. He gives me strength for war and skill for battle”.
I think you did a great job with this story. It reminded me to pray for all those serving our country. It,s ready to be safe at home and forget the terrors that those serving are dealing with.

I think you can tighten up your sentences some. To give you an idea of what I mean, I tweaked the opening a bit: Alone in the foxhole, Private Wilson was afraid, hungry and covered with mud.
Also I don't think you need the last line. You did a grand a grand job of getting your message across, but the last question can make it feel a tad preachy.

You did a great job of writing on topic. You kept my attention all the way through. You have a knack for writing and did a fine job with this piece.
01/22/13
A perfect message for anyone us reading this. Thank you.
God bless~
01/22/13
Nice story telling. Your imagery and dialogue drew me into the story. But I think you spent a little too much time telling us about the chaplain. You could have shown that information through his actions and dialogue instead of explaining his past. You had a good message and it came through in the interaction of the characters.
Congratulations on ranking 7th in level 2!