Phone, do not ring. I don’t want to hear anything he has to say. After what he did to me, I want nothing from him right now.
He caught me completely off-guard. All of a sudden, he was gone. No note, no reason, no explanation – just gone. I called but no answer. I left messages. No response.
I retraced the days, trying to figure what happened that would cause him to leave but I couldn’t think of anything. We were getting along just fine. We enjoyed being together – sharing our lives, thoughts and dreams with each other.
He always said the right thing at just the right time. When I was sad, he made me smile again. When I became discouraged, he knew how to lift my spirits. He reveled in my talents and abilities and seemed to delight in watching me use them. We laughed and played and just loved each other. I felt special – even cherished. He was everything to me I could ever want.
But he left.
I was very young when we first met. Someone introduced us and said that for some reason he had chosen me as his special friend. It was a time in my life when I was headed down a wrong road and needed someone strong to show me a better way.
He was a good friend from the start. He pointed me in the right direction - but more than that, he went there with me. We traveled the road together. That is what a best friend does, isn’t it?
Some time ago, my life fell apart. My friends turned against me, my work became second-rate, decisions I made turned out to be wrong. Nothing went right and I was miserable. He showed up on my doorstep, all smiles and so hyped up with life. He put his arms around me and said things would get better.
He gave me hope when I needed it most. We talked for hours and he listened – really listened to what my heart was saying more than what came out of my mouth. It takes a very special person to be able to do that.
And then he said it. He said he loved me. He said he had always loved me but couldn’t let me know until the time was right. He told me he wanted me to be only his and that he would be mine - always and forever.
That was when I knew I really loved him, too. Deeply.
Our relationship blossomed. We began to share everything – feelings, hopes, plans, secrets. Things only lovers share. The two of us truly became one; he in me and I in him. Life became glorious.
Shortly after that, we spent a wonderful day together in the country – just the two of us. He was in an especially pensive mood – pointing out the glory of a simple flower and the wonder of a huge oak tree. He explained how clouds can ride along the sky and not fall. And I felt closer than ever to him.
Then he grew very serious. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “You know that I love you with all my heart and that love always does what is best for the one that is loved.” I nodded. “Do you trust my love for you?” “What an odd thing to ask me,” I mused. He repeated the question, “Do you trust my love for you?” “Yes, I do trust your love for me.” “Fine, then.” And that was that.
Now, here I am, alone, wondering why he left. Did he grow weary of me? Did I do something to anger him?
A flame of fear ignites inside me and I feel sick. What if he never comes back? What if I never know what happened? What if…?
Days pass without a word. I continue calling but no answer. I leave messages but no response. Every day seems like a month; every night seems like a year. Never a rumor of where he might have gone.
But in the dark of the night one haunting memory plays over and over…
“Do you trust my love for you?”
And I decide-
No matter how I feel
what I think
what I see or don’t see
what I hear or don’t hear-
because of who he is
Yes, I trust his love for me.
For I am persuaded…
nothing can separate me from his love.
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