The Official Writing Challenge
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The girl's voice is just right - and her father is certainly wise. Love the repetition of your message - very effective.
Yes indeed, "We are the Church!" You brought out a great point in this article. Too many believe the church is the building, organized and pristine. Having been on the mission field, it's easy to long for the "easy" things back home--the way things were. But the Dad is right. Church isn't about pulpits and baptistries or stained glass windows. It's about the people, where two or more are gathered together in Christ's name. Your dialog was good--maybe a little awkward in some spots. You could have used your Dad to show his daughter how passionate he was about this mission assignment, helping her to see the 'real' church. But, all in all, it's a good story with excellent points. Good job! Christmas blessings! :)
I like the fact that you didn't end it with a sudden change of heart on Marisa's part...more realistic that way. Very authentic-sounding, would make a good discussion-starter for teens.
Very realistic teenager--stubborn and self-focused. Yes, indeed! Maybe it is more realistic when she doesn't change her mind, but it leaves the story rather hanging. Maybe just a hint...
You brought the message, what the church's characteristics are not, through very believable dialogue. Good job!
It is neat how you tied the themes of the quarter together. We need to be reminded of this important truth. Great job!
Marisa was pretty real, teen-wise, I could sense her personality through her actions, rather than her dialouge though. (Like the flying slipper) ^_^

RED PEN: The opening sentence was a tad too Maybe try to avoid too much detail, like her 'long & slender fingers', pick one or the other and don't draw it out too long, or use it in the second sentence. A good rule of thumb I try to stick with, is to see if I can read the sentence in a normal breath. ^_^ It helps a little, otherwise, this was pretty good. Also, be careful not to tell use what we when the dad puts his arm around her, we know she is already distressed...we could see it.
Good writing!