The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 839 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
10/13/16
I love this! Just reading through it gave me a sense of overload. Good take on the topic in my opinion.
I really enjoyed this. You hooked me immediately and after toying with me a bit, reeled me right in. (I'm not sure why I thought a fishing metaphor would work. ;))

My only red ink is I noticed you switched the voice around a bit. At the very beginning, you use first person singular (me, I). In the middle, you switch to second person. Even though I still love the message, using you can make some feel like they are being lectured. I think it would be more powerful if you had stuck with I or me. It would make me feel like you were chatting with me. In the last stanza, you switch to we. This feels less preachy in my opinion, but still not as strong as I. Near the end you switched back to I again, and I thought it a brilliant ending.

You really nailed the topic for sure. Although poetry isn't my strong suit, I felt the words just flowed off my tablet. It's a piece I could read over and over. You definitely made me comfortable. I sensed you even knew I need to hear these words. Your sense of humor left me smiling and nodding my head. You hit it out of the park for sure. Spectacular piece. You are a true artist.
I like your poetic prose.

Your piece shows knowledge of all the latest sources of information overload. I hope you aren't really also locked into it.

This piece is a good warning to all of us in today's electronic gadgets world. There is another source for peace and a look at what is important for the future.

Nicely written and I liked your style.
10/19/16
You nailed the topic this week.My head starting swimming just thinking of all the information that is deluging our brains on a daily basis.
Congratulations on ranking 1st in your level and 16 overall. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.
10/22/16
Congratulations! Well done
10/27/16
Congratulations, Stephen, on your 1st place in Beginners and moving up to the Intermediate Category.

I have information overload, too. I'm looking forward to the end of the election cycle.
11/15/16
Great use of the topic to speak to our information dilemma. In 5 years we have not only overloaded but disengaged. Congratulations on your well deserved 1st place level win.