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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: ANGELS WATCHING OVER ME (don’t write about the song) (06/04/15)
One dreary day in 1990, I stumbled upon a monstrous beast called a coal stacker. In many ways it reminded me of a giant brontosaurus out of the Jurassic era. It was a large machine in proportion, used at electrical plants to transport coal from one area to the next. Its intricacies are even more difficult for me to describe in tangible words, because of the magnitude of this apparatus. There were four levels with stairs to each part of this beast.

The grizzly boss’s name was George, and I helped him set up the company blasting machine. It had a long hose with a spray gun at the end, just like what you see at a car wash. This cleaning contraption had a generator and a large tank where you store the water. When you cut the motor on the hose pressurizes, supercharging the water at an extreme force to wherever it’s aimed at. Our task entailed cleaning the coal off every part of this looming monstrosity. George had a bad attitude that day which added to my nervous condition.

After a lengthy time of working at the top level of the coal stacker, I motioned for George, “Can you take over for now? I am getting tired and need a break.”

In his hateful demeanor He yelled, “Why sure Ronny, I don’t have anything else in my plans!”

He jerked the spray gun from my hand. I inwardly cowered biting my lip, silently thinking I would not speak to him for the rest of the day.

I then made my way down to check the water in the tank. I clamored down to the first level, a dizzying twenty feet off the ground. To be safe I avoided the steps, because water was coming down the dinosaur’s neck. I opted to take a nearby ladder that was fastened to the nemesis. I hurriedly made my way down, then all I remember is free falling to the ground.

My body jolted as I landed on the concrete slab under the coal stacker. I laid there stunned as to what had just transpired. The ladder only went down four feet from its top rung.

The only alternative that ran through my mind at that moment was to turn off the blazing motor of the blasting machine. I had the feeling that I would have been lying there all day, if someone even noticed me. George would never hear me or see where I had fallen since he was still working at the top level on the other side.

I was fully conscious as I cried out to God with every ounce of strength I could muster, “God in Heaven, please guide Your Angels to help me make it to the truck, so that I can get George’s attention!”

All of the sudden I felt unseen agents from God lift me up from the ground to standing position. I walked very slowly as I realized I was in extreme pain. I made my way to the truck, turning off the motor to the blasting machine. After a several minute wait, George came down from the coal stacker.

He fumed as I told him that I had fell, “I just do not believe you. You are making an ill attempt to get out of working!”

I remained resistant to his verbal abuse as I got slowly into the truck. He got in the truck, cut on the ignition and drove rather fast. It seemed as if He was purposely hitting every bump on the dirt road.

He snickered haughtily, “How are you feeling now?” I just silently sat there anxious to get home so I could go to the doctor.

I made it to the medical clinic, where I was immediately transported to the Emergency Room. The X-rays showed that I had two fractured vertebra and splattered one.

The surgeons were able to fuse some of my hip bone to the fractures, and repair the damaged cartilage - placing two rods in my lower back. My family prayed and hoped for the best. I am thankful that God and His angels had been in the room guiding the operation. George even called afterwards and apologized for being so hostile.

Through rehabilitation and in a year’s time, I was able to go back to work with only limited mobility to not lift anything over thirty pounds.

Authors Note: Google “Coal Stacker” to see images of it.
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This article has been read 562 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Loni Bowden-Horn 
06/12/15
The machine you mentioned in your story is a huge beast. This was an uplifting story about how God watches over us. I noticed a slight grammatical error when you used fell, it should have been fallen. Great story writing. I learned a lot.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
06/13/15
Wow this is an incredible testimony. You did an outstanding job of describing it and your emotions. I loved some of the words you used like nemesis, stumbled, and cowered. They really went a long way in helping me connect with the MC.

The main red ink I'd offer would be careful about using the universal you. Once you realize you're doing it, it's easy to fix. This line:
When you cut the motor on the hose pressurizes, supercharging the water...
Would become this:
Cutting the motor on the hose pressurizes it
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
06/13/15
Sorry, I accidentally hit submit. This line also has a universal you in it which is easily fixed:just like what you see at a car wash.
To:
just like those at a car wash.

Other than that little thing and a couple of minor punctuation errors, I think you did a wonderful job. You really grabbed my attention. The suspense kept me invested right until the very end. I even liked that the jerk, uhm, I mean, boss, apologized. I like how you added dialog too. One suggestion would be to use contractions as that is more natural sounding. I understand why it's hard for some people, especially those over forty. The teachers used to insist that contractions weren't proper in writing. While they should be avoided in formal pieces, in dialog they bring a realistic felt. I loved the way you inserted the topic in your piece. The faith of the MC is admirable. I really enjoyed this article.
Ellen Carr 
06/15/15
A well told account of your harrowing experience and God's provision of angels to help you.Well done.
alan kane
06/15/15
It was good to see George was not a totally bad guy. Maybe he might even change his ways.
Loni Bowden-Horn 
06/15/15
I was so relieved that angels protected you during this harrowing experience. How many people does it take to run a "coal stacked." I was amazed how mammoth that machine was once I looked at it on Google. I hope your boss was compassionate when you came back to work and gave you a lighter work load. I am so sorry it took him so long to realize you were really hurt.
Noel Mitaxa 
06/16/15
Like most other reviewers, I've also just Googled images of coal stackers. You're right, they are monstrous beasts.
Your MC has copped a tough time, but - without seeking too many visceral details - I feel your descriptions seem to be more detached than personal.
Zacharia Fox
06/16/15
Wow! what an experience! Your writing brings energy to your piece and begs the reader to read on.

The only bit of red ink i might offer, is that some of your describing slows the reader down. Im like you in this, and have to try to chose carefully what, where and how I describe things.

Great job! You'll be moving up soon:)