Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: PRIDE (inflated opinion of one’s self) (02/19/15)
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TITLE: Dismal Swamp | Previous Challenge Entry
By Terry Palmer
02/24/15 -
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Pride
The dismal swamp of insecurity rippled once more. A dark figure appeared, intent on an evil mission.
Misery and deceit rose up to tag along for this journey promised rich spoil. They wanted to feel the lust again, just like every time when pride threw a tantrum.
The lone figure shut them away. This trip is all about me!
The dark figure hurried on its way, filled with contempt for all else but me. It often had ‘I’ trouble like this, wanting to be a lone wolf when others could help him.
Pride whirled around at a slight noise. It didn’t see the smirking laugh of deceit, misery, and depression sneak past its stand.
Taking another series of rapid steps, Pride halted to gather itself for the big push. It loved the grand entry, puffing up within itself when laud and honor came its way. “I can do this myself. I don’t need anyone else. They’re disgusting anyway.”
The words of a heated argument announced upon the scene.
“It’s my turn. I want it.”
“I made it myself and no one else get’s it. No one could do this better than me. I’m the one who should get all the credit.”
Deceit, misery, and depression sneaked past its bold stand, smirking in quiet whisper.
“Come on. We’ll fool that one again.”
“I’ll be miserable if we don’t.”
“I can’t take another failure.”
Vanity puffed up again in its false splendor. “I told ‘em to do it my way. Don’t I always know best?”
Pride stepped up onto a stand to look around. “Yes. Just like I suspected. My way was right all along. If they would listen and do things my way, the world would be, well, just like me.”
His gloated appearance gave the others reason to puff up a bit on their own.
“I’ve fooled ‘em once and I’ll fool ‘em again.”
“Hey, misery loves company, not like that snob up there.”
“When this fails, it ain’t my fault.”
Pride stepped back down to continue. It didn’t see the snare of self defeat reach out in anger.
Pride wavered a moment, crouched down as if under attack, then fell backwards as the twisted rope of pretending gathered ever tighter and pulled Pride down.
Deceit laughed as it pulled in the slack line. “Caught ‘em again. Just like before. Will Pride ever learn?”
Misery sat down next to Pride. Both gathered together in dejected silence.
Depression shrugged its shoulders and looked down the past line. “If we wait here, anger, resentment, and revenge will be sure to find us.”
It nodded as those sure to come lifted from the dismal swamp of insecurity and hurried toward the scene.
The blinding light of Truth erupted on the scene, covering by Grace what Pride couldn’t do for itself.
“Hey wait. This can’t happen again!”
Brilliant Truth blocked the way for anger, resentment, and revenge to join the party.
Truth spoke the Word. “I give you Peace. Not as the world gives. Let not your heart be troubled.”
Misery dissolved under the banner of the light of Truth. Depression twisted in an agony of defeat. “Why can’t I stay like before…”
Deceit shielded its eyes against the probing glare. “Gotta get away, before Truth uncovers my lies.”
Pride stood alone as before, needing a way out.
Truth’s voice rang out again with the Word. “I’ve come to save those who are lost. Do you seek the light?”
Pride lowered its head, not able to stand in the light of Truth. With trembling fingers it striped away all manner of pretense and handed them over to Truth, still not able to look up.”
Word continued. “Take my yoke upon you, for my burden is light.”
Pride cried tears of release, letting its cold hard shell fall away. It looked down to see a brilliant shine come over it, starting with its step of faith and working a Cleansing Way through its soul and spirit along with Calm Assurance.
“I can’t believe it but I must. Now I see the Way, the Truth, and the Life!”
687wc
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I think you meant "weekly" not "weakly."
The dialogue was sometimes confusing in the manner it was written. I would definitely separate the paragraphs with double spaces.
Well done,
God Bless~
Your writing is good. But get to know what people like. If you force them to look at what they should (what you wrote) without entertaining them, they won't read it. 90 percent of your readers won't think as deeply as you do. They don't want to. I know it is very tempting to show the depth of your thoughts (I was the same way) But when we don't explain every detail of what's going on, our readers will never be able to connect the dots. There's an old saying among preachers talking about another preacher's sermon. They said, "Just because the water is muddy, doesn't mean it's deep." So no matter how deep it really is, if they don't understand your story line, they will just think it's muddy (unclear). Get it? Now maybe I'm being muddy lol!
I hope you will create a story with actual characters, who will, in turn, show the negative emotions that you used as characters in this entry (envy, depression, pride, deceit, etc.) Then you will able to better expound (make clear) the truths you wrote about. Read (and study) how other Christian writers did (allegories) what you were doing here. Try "Hinds Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard.
Now I hope what I've said doesn't discourage you. You definitely have what it takes to be an outstanding writer, if you persevere and are willing to give your readers what they want. A great mind like yours is what it takes. Your concept here was very creative, but too much is left to your reader's imagination. That's too much work for the average joe or jane. ☺
Thank you for your entry and your bravery for submitting such a compelling style. All the best to you. I'll be eagerly waiting for your next entry.