Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: PRIDE (inflated opinion of one’s self) (02/19/15)
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TITLE: Forbidden Folly | Previous Challenge Entry
By Loni Bowden-Horn
02/20/15 -
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Established by Nimrod, a mighty man
Let us build a city; a magnificent tower
Showing the world our prestige and power
We'll establish a government with a single voice;
A united front is our only choice
Unquenchable thirst!
Empowering thought
A priceless jewel to be bought
Tar laden bricks put into place
Lofty, billowing clouds embrace
Each rung closer to the heavenly light;
A name for ourselves is in sight
Valiant efforts must not be in vain
Untold splendor worth all the pain
Turn back!
Adonai's urgency clear
The fall of man is drawing near
God looked on in dismay
At what had been created in that day
Crumbling citadel built by your hands;
Dispersed all people to different lands
Inhabitants began to babel in different tongues,
And could not be understood by anyone
Flaming fire
That sparked the fan
Now extinguished a desolate land
Self-sufficiency was the prize
That led to destruction and demise
Sorrow and heartache was felt by man
As he looked on his failed plan
Consequences of sin was steep;
Common language now deplete
Thirsty souls cry,
Woe to you who do not lament;
The days draw shorter to repent
Darkness enveloped the earth that day,
As the people began to stray
They looked to the path paved with gold,
And not to eternal treasures soon foretold
Innocent blood is the stain;
Selfless Lamb of God was slain
Risen king!
Day star shining bright
Forgiveness of sins ending your plight
Temple veil torn in two;
No longer separation between the Savior and you
Hold onto the faith that has become so dear,
If you trust in Him you have nothing to fear
Longing to meet the great I Am face to face;
Outstretched arms in a loving embrace
Tears wiped away,
Pain no more,
As we look forward to what is in store.
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Unquenchable thirst!
Empowering thought
A priceless jewel to be bought
Watch about switching between present and past tense.
Built a city; instead of, Let us build a city
Well done.
God bless~
Try reading your lines to the beat of a drum in your head. Figure out a nice beat and make the syllables in each line match that beat. Personally I feel the cadence is more important than the rhyming. I'm not much of a poet myself and I don't even know all the proper terms to use in explaining the parameters of what makes good poetry. But I can explain it in a common (redneck?) way LOL.
Another thing: Most people will not understand your theological points without explaining them. We have to make it very simple and easy for everyone to understand. I made the same mistake at first and nobody got it. I guess I just left them scratching their heads. Use that great spiritual wisdom you have as if you're sharing it with...well: babes (my apologies world).
I'd really like to see you work a little more on this one, because it has such great potential. Perhaps message one of our wonderful faithwriter poets and ask for their input.
You obviously have a true gift for words and so I know you are meant to be a writer, and you are. I just hope you'll continue growing and getting better all the time. Keep up the great work. Blessings!