The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/30/14
Nicely done. This held my attention and made me nervous, and then was filled with peace at the end.
Good job!

God bless~
10/31/14
Assumptions can kill, and so can foolishness. You did as great job setting the scene in the creepy forest. Well paced and a great read.
I enjoyed the twist in this sweet story. You did a nice job of developing the conflict. I liked the spooky setting too.

You may want to consider using more dialog to move the story along. For example: Our driver crinkled his forehead as he waved his hand toward the shadowy field. "Uh, you sure you wanna be left way out here? It's getting dark and you two'll be all alone out here. It's against the law to be out here after dark, ya know, right? I've heard some pretty scary stories--"

Will shrugged off his concerns. "Oh Man, we'll be fine, right baby?" He didn't bother to wait for my answer as he slammed the door and stumped off into the field.

I added a bit to show how little bits of body language and dialog can propel the story forward.

I do think you did a great job of writing on the genre. You showed the conflict right away and sprinkled inklings of suspense throughout the story. Your ending was good too. I didn't see it coming and it's a great way to show how things aren't always what they seem. I really enjoyed this piece. Nice job.
11/01/14
Hey I like this story. It brought back memories of the one time we drove out to the west coast. It seemed like people were either fairly well off or else lived in trailers or were squatters on the ocean front - the middle class seemed to be nowhere, at least where we were. I love the twist at the end of your story. Great job.
Great job! Almost seems like something I would write, seeing as I play the flute and am from the northwest. ;)
11/04/14
Good story. Well told. Good story, well told, but, . . . well, the foundation for tense suspense is there, but, . . . not quite, delivered. Got somewhat pulled in here and there . . . is it the forest that is creepy . . . is it the stranger who is creepy . . . not sure what I should be afraid of, yet, I think I am being led to be afraid, but, . . .not really, following.

May I suggest focusing more fear into the descriptions . . . deep blurred woods ever darkening in rhythm to the settling sun. The sky seemingly stained, by expansive swaths of poison purple hues.

Yup, . . . But, you know - I saw you - I saw your boyfriend - and the flutist - you made me do that - I was there - that’s the important thing, the rest is blah, blah, blah, by comparison.

Please keep writing.
11/06/14
Congratulations!

God bless~
11/08/14
Congratulations, great story.