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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Hotel/Motel (09/12/05)
The night was dark, nothing unusual about night being dark, it usually is dark at night except for the northern hemisphere at certain times of the year. I don't know why I added this.
But on with the story.
It was very windy and the rain was pouring down as Mike started the 700 mile drive to be with his family for the holiday.
Mike worked in Atlanta, Georgia. He had found a job there doing what he loved most. He had earned awards for his salesmanship. Mike was the best of the best. This job wasn't difficult he sold red clay to potters. Where else can one find red clay so plentiful but in Georgia. Mike would go out of his way to make a customer happy. Mike had left his family in Michigan. He had been searching for a home for them to move into. It had been about three months, Mike knew that his lovely wife would be
disappointed to hear, "Honey, I've been so busy that I haven't had the time to search for us a home". He dreaded to even phone her with this information, he puts it off.
The holiday was soon approaching, Christmas didn't mean anything to Mike. He wasn't about this "weak religion", Mike didn't need any God interfering with his decision making, after all, Mike felt he was a good person, he gave to charity, he didn't do mean things, if there was a God this would square things.
Mike didn't have time for all this now.
He just wanted to get his work finished and pack his clothes and drive the 700 miles to Michigan. Seeing his family was all that concerned him right now.

The day finely arrived the office would be closed until January 3rd, this was fine with Mike, for he had been looking forward to this day for sometime now. Hooray it was here.

Mike raced home and had planned to leave the following morning about 4:30 AM, but thought he would surprise them and get there a few hours earlier than scheduled.

He gabbed his suitcase and rechecked all the windows and doors to make sure everything was secured, yep everything was tight.
He threw his bag in the back seat,seated himself,started the car and drove away. Mike was so excited! In just a matter of hours he would be hugging his beautiful wife and kids.

He headed toward I-75, I-75 was a straight shot to Michigan. He could see the north bound on ramp just ahead, the rain was pouring down harder, the wind he could feel against the car as he tried to keep it from swaying. Mike saw the flashing neon sign, it read "Red Wood" hotel / motel." Sleep here it won't cost you a fortune. He had only glanced away for what he thought was a moment, when out of no where he heard the loud thud, and could feel the car spinning.


A tractor trailer had slid out of control and hit his car. The driver of the truck was ok. He knew the driver of the car had to be seriously injured. He jumped from his truck and ran up to the car, the rain was pouring down, he was getting soaking wet, but he didn't care. He tried to open the drivers side door but couldn't get it open. He ran around to the passenger door and opened it, all he could see was blood everywhere, he thought I don't think this fellow is going to make it. Sir, I am going to call for an ambulance I think your going to be fine. He pulls his cell phone out and calls for help, the 911 dispatcher ask for the location of the crash, he yells, please, hurry! Mike starts to tell him how he was on his way to see his family.
The trucker asks, Sir, are you a Christian? I would like to pray with you. No, I'm not, Mike replied. But I don't think prayer would hurt. The trucker began to explain about salvation, how we are all sinners and how God saw fit to send us his only Son to die in our place. Mike was astonished by the story and said, I didn't know. The trucker asks if he could say the sinners prayer with him.
Mike shook his head yes. Just as the prayer ended, Mike passed away.

Do you know where you will spend eternity?
We are not promissed tomorrow.
Yeshua is closer today than yesterday for His appearing in the clouds of glory.

749 word count
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This article has been read 1144 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
09/19/05
There were numerous mechanical problems, but a well-realized character and an important lesson. Perhaps a peer editor could help with punctuation and run-on sentences. Keep writing!
Anita Neuman
09/21/05
A good storyline with a great message. I think your beginning would have more punch if you took out the first few lines and just started with the "It was very windy..." sentence.
Garnet Miller 
09/21/05
Nice story. The twist at the end reminds me of events that happen in real life. Be careful with your punctuation and paragraph spacing.
B Brenton
09/22/05
Gotta have some more feeling when writing about the salvation. It's something supernatural that happens. It's not just like "Duh. I didn't know." It's not like he's telling him a new corner store opened up. This is the meaning of life here. Good work but more feeling, not telling. That's a bore.
Katherine Douglas
09/22/05
unlike one of the above critique's I thought the opening sentence was funny and that's why I continued to read the piece; because for me and others like me, you've got to catch me with the opening line or I'm not going to continue the read. However; I also agree that some of it was to matter of fact and lacked feeling. Over all a good story.