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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Ohhh…. (02/04/10)
I have always been the kind of girl that has more guy friends then girl friends. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I grew up a bit of a tomboy. If given the choice I’d rather be under a canopy of oak leaves immersing my soul in the fresh air then restricted inside a crowded shopping mall. Just thinking about the stench of the food court mingled with an array of perfumes and body odor makes me wrinkle my nose in disgust. So, when he called me up and invited me to a basketball game, I didn’t think twice about it.

Of course I would go. I loved a good game of basketball and Craig was the perfect friend to go with. He was easily the best guy friend I had. He always made me laugh and I knew he would entertain me throughout the game with his witty commentary as he announced the play-by-play action happening on the court. The only thing that had bothered me was the fact we were going with another couple from his church that I did not know. You see that is another thing about me. I’m not much of a people person. In fact one night, wedged between various Seinfeld commercial breaks, Craig had given me a full on psychiatric evaluation and deemed that I indeed was an introvert. He, of course, was an extrovert. It is always good to get a psych evaluation every once in awhile. I think it is important to your mental health and if you have a good friend to do it there is a couple of advantages. One, it is a free. Two, they know you almost better then yourself so you know the diagnose will be right on. I don’t mind being an introvert, unless I have to meet new people.

I met his friends and they were nice. Thankfully they were completely wrapped up in their own conversation on the way there, so I didn’t have to talk much. The game proved to be just as entertaining as I had imagined. A couple of the players could really dunk a basketball. I’m not quite sure how the word graceful fits in with dunking a basketball but it definitely does. It is the way they leap from the floor and sail through the air breaking all rules of gravity. Craig had agreed with my conclusion and then we discussed how nice it must be to have that kind of talent and skills. The evening went pleasantly normal until half time, when the players jogged off the court retreating to the locker room. With an empty court my attention had diverted to Rick and Lisa, the couple we had rode with to the game. I admired the ring on Lisa’s finger and observed how happy they were. They sat close to one another, fingers entwined. In that moment of observation my brain & heart collided connecting a single thought that sent my normal evening into a tailspin. I wonder what it would be like to hold hands with Craig?

Where in the world had this thought come from I had wondered? It suddenly dawned on me that this seemed like a date. We were with another couple and I was sitting a lot closer to Craig then I realized. This couldn’t be a date I had argued to myself. We were just friends. My thoughts argued back. If you are just friends why is your heart threatening to pulsate out of your chest?

My heart and thoughts had argued through the rest of the game. After the final buzzer sounded I followed Craig out to the car and slipped in beside him. I stared at his hand. “Your awfully quiet,” he said. I barely heard him over my beating heart. The same thought squeezed my heart over and over. I wonder what it would be like to hold his hand? My hand inched closer and closer to his. My heart was gaining momentum in the battle; my brain was running out of arguments. I allowed my head to lean upon his shoulder testing the boundaries of what was. My answer came when he shifted allowing me to rest more comfortably against him. It was then that I reached over swiftly taking his hand in mine. Ohhh! So that is what it feels like. I peered up at him and shyly smiled. He smiled back.
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This article has been read 739 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Rikki Akeo
02/12/10
Wow! That was courageous!
Verna Mull
02/13/10
It WAS courageous, but did it pay off? Kind of left me wondering about a lot of things! Very interesting, just left too much to my imagination!
Dana McReynolds
02/14/10
Great job!
Chely Roach
02/15/10
Aww. This felt so honest, so real. I loved the MC, and her braveness stepping into the unknown. Well done!
Sarah Elisabeth
02/15/10
I liked how you kept this piece moving, and I really related to the introvert part of your MC.

"I don’t mind being an introvert, unless I have to meet new people" Loved that line!
Kellie Henningsen
02/15/10
This was a big move for a shy person! I enjoyed reading her thoughts. Maybe some dialogue to help break it up would have been nice. A great story!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
02/15/10
Just a couple little things first- in the first sentence you used then instead of than and later your instead of you're, but those can be easily fixed.

You did a good job in bringing out the feelings of the MC. It was the start of a nice romance. Good job, keep writing.
Carol Slider 
02/16/10
Oh, it's so hard to take that chance... and so great when it works out! He was probably just as nervous as she was, I'm guessing. Great job!
Jan Ackerson
02/16/10
Sweetly written.

There were some mechanical errors that need edits, and I wonder if you didn't telegraph your ending with your title.

I love your easy-going voice; it made for a very entertaining read.
Rachel Rudd
02/17/10
This is a great story. Your description of the action is so fast-paced that I can just see it tumbling out of the MC's head. It might help to divide the paragraphs further so that all the action doesn't come at once. You were definitely courageous to "cross the boundaries" of friendship. :)
Jim McWhinnie 
02/17/10
So sensitively felt and told. Your storytelling is silky smooth.

I think you would be surprised how much you could learn simply by re-writing this story a couple of times.

Vary and simplify sentences.

Commas and "what might be an even better word" work.
Sarah Elisabeth
02/19/10
Congrats on your placing Tessy!