Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: It's a Colorful World (12/03/09)
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TITLE: Earth's Portraits | Previous Challenge Entry
By DANIEL MBAJIORGU
12/08/09 -
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How colourful the world of man,
How artful her design:
The mountains have the hues of Spring
In shades of green divine,
The wrinkled seas between the hills
Like molten silver run
And floating clouds of bluish tints
Silhouette the golden sun.
Like flags with blends of black and white
Striped zestful zebras fly
As on the mount fierce leopards prey
And dot the southern sky;
The plains are brown like rusted zinc
Where stand the crimson rose,
Autumnal trees and painted huts-
Man's shade for sweet repose.
Vast em'rald fields are decked with sheep,
Of ebony, of cream,
Where multi-coloured butterflies
On coffee stones do dream;
A toucan from a flaming tree
To azure skies she flies,
And herds of cattle lowing by
All start with sepia eyes.
The proud peacocks with feathers bright
Have colours just a few,
Of man'fold hues are fishes made
And things 'neath oceans blue;
The patient vulture has dull wings
And dull 'ccentuates the bright,
God’s word, His palette, paints all things
His shades are infinite.
Just like the bow that rings the skies
After the rain has gone,
Earth's a canvas of colours bright
Until the day is done:
When 'gainst the shaded walls of night
Some portraits still appear-
Of yellow moons and diamond stars
Way up the hemisphere.
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Poetic Licence - Some words were truncated to achieve syllabic or tonal harmony and the truncated words in their order of appearance should have spelt: emerald, manifold, beneath or underneath, accentuates, against.
Earth - Where it is used refers to the world or the planet (Earth) that we live on.
Moons - Although this should have been singular since our planet (Earth) has just one natural satellite (The Moon) attending it, the usage of moons here is quite deliberate and refers to a combination of the moon phases, that is, the crescent moon, the half moon and the full moon phases.
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I think the notes at the end detracted from the poem rather than enhancing it. It's like jerking the reader back to reality after having visited a lovely place. Trust your poetry to speak for itself!
In my opinion, one of the best entries I've read so far this week.
I especially like your second stanza "the sheep, of ebony, or cream" and the "coffee stones do dream" (reminds me of "coffee with 'cream'") …and that's a favorite too. :) (just a side note: I do like your thought on the "moons" with "her" phases.) Your writing really shines here!
As on the mount fierce leopards prey
And dot the southern sky;"
Being a musician I've always loved when one line flows into the next propelling you forward through a piece, and that's really what I feel like you've done here. Again Great Work.
Thank you for the tips.
God bless you.