Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Light and Dark (05/21/09)
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TITLE: Now I Know | Previous Challenge Entry
By Gordon Lavoie
05/21/09 -
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There are things I do know. I know mom and dad love me. Daddy speaks to me, I so enjoy hearing that deep voice. He is forever saying silly stuff though, and joking with me. I think he thinks he’s witty. Daddy is so silly, but he does love me, and I love him. Mom is different, she is always talking to me seriously, earnestly, explaining things, she tells me how dad is so strong and handsome, (he has a moustache now, you know). She describes how grandma looks, her gentile frame, the graying hair, and (what mom calls, love lines,) in her face. She also tells me all about her younger sister who is usually off at school, mom calls her “my auntie Susan.” Mommy says that she has enormous bright eyes, a magnificent wonderful smile, and glorious dimples.
I think momma pretty well takes me everywhere she goes. My favorite though, is the park, she tells me all about the trees, the kids playing on swings, the pool, and something called monkey bars. (I can quite comprehend that one.) She tries to explain sky, and the sun, and clouds. Clouds, that‘s a tough one too, they must be so pretty. She reads to me also, stories mostly, the Bible, she loves the psalms. Furthermore, she sings to me constantly. Mostly, those songs I hear when we go to church. Oh how I love it when we go to church, so much attention, and the singing is so beautiful. God must look wonderful.
Today started out as others, but I fear something is wrong. Mom is so restless, nervous, fearful even. I’ve never felt her afraid before. I feel differently too, much different than I’ve ever felt previously, I feel trapped, agitated, impatient. I don’t understand, people are speaking too loud, and it‘s cold, and. What is happening? Something’s bright, my eyes, they hurt. Light? I see light. It’s not like dark at all. The man is holding me, where’s mamma? He’s cutting my…… Ow! He just hit me……….“Whaa” -- “Whaaa”
“Congratulations Cecile, it’s a girl, a beautiful baby girl”
Who is this man? There are people everywhere.
“Didn’t I tell you Cecile, ( just like your mom ), it all worked out fine.”
“Her name is Susan, Dr. Hart. I named her after my sister”
I know that voice.
“She‘s going to be a teacher, she graduates in just three days from now.”
Your sister?
“Sue and grandma are outside Suzie, you’ll see them soon.”
It sounds so different, but I know that voice. -- Let me go! Where am I? ….. “Whaaa”
“Oh! Suzie, come to mommy.” …. “Nurse, may I ?”
“Here she is, you can nurse her now if you want.”
Oh! --- Oh my, it’s my mommy. It’s mommy!
I’m on her outside. Oh, mommy. I can see you mommy,
Is that daddy? What is this, this is so good.
Never mind daddy, daddy can wait, I like this.
I remember mommy trying to explain food. I didn’t understand.
Now I know.
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Edit your piece, especially sentence structure, punctuation, and capitalize names for smoother reading.
All in all, you're a good writer and should be in a higher category!
Psalm 139
Some comma and other punctuation faults to be cleaned up, but this is a delightful story.
Wonderful job.