Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Australia or New Zealand (01/15/09)
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TITLE: The Lion, the Bear and the ...? | Previous Challenge Entry
By Coleene VanTilburg
01/19/09 -
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“Hey..., pssst...are you awake? Hey...lion...pssst, whoooo-hoo...are you up?”
(Big yawn and stretch)...”Well, I am now, said the Lion. What' up? It's hard to stay awake on this rocking boat.”
“It's called an ark,” corrected the bear.
“Ark, boat...whatever....What's your question Little Bear?”
“Well, you're the king of the beasts, right?”
“Yes, I like to think of myself in that way,” answered the lion.
“Well, a king should know everybody, right?”
“I guess, get to the point would ya.” as the lion yawned again.
“Well, said the little bear, did you notice that strange looking fellow a few hallways over? I don't think he is one of us.”
“What do you mean one of us?”
“You know, God created us and placed us here on Earth. I don't think he is one made by God,” the little bear nervously replied.
“Why do you think that? Obviously he is here in the boat...ark...with us, so God must have wanted him and his female protected from the great flood,” the lion replied authoritatively.
“Well, he is so different and weird.”
“Have you spoken to him and his kind?” asked the Lion.
“No. So you don't know what he is, do you?”
“Hey,I may be the king, but that doesn’t mean I know everything. I'm always open to learning more. Let's go make our acquaintance, but since you are the curious one, you ask the questions, and don't be rude. Let's make this quick, the kids will be around to feed us soon. “
“Well, OK. What if this is a trick...What if he doesn't speak animal? What if...” stammered the bear.
“Hey, this was your idea. Do you want to go or not?”
“OK, only because you're with me.”
“Let's go kid, show me the way.”
The Lion and the young bear stroll through the halls of the ark until they approach where a most awkward-looking creature resides with his female kind.
“Ah...Hello...Hello...We just happened to be in your neighborhood. I am a sun bear and of course you must know lion, and we were wondering...”
“G'day Mates...needin' something?” said the strange looking creature from the corner of his space.
“Yeah, how come you have a duck's bill and little beady eyes like you are blind, and fur, but you lay eggs and funny looking feet and...” little bear blurted out.
“Hey, Bloke (speaking to the Lion), who is this curious drongo you pallin' with?”
“Yeah, well, my apologies for the exuberant youth. As King of the Beasts, I'd like to make my acquaintance and inquire which neighborhood God placed your kind in? What are you called?
“I am different, I know and probably weird looking I have asked God about that. He just tells me that all creatures, great and small are special and unique and made for His purpose. So, here I am. I am from a place Down Under and I guess when this storm is over, I will trek across the little land masses before they disappear and find my way back to my special place. I am Platypus…glad you made an avago at makin' me day. Sometimes it gets kinda lonely in here.”
“Well, I am glad this little bear got me out for a stretch as well. We will come by again for a visit another time, and you can share with us about God's place Down Under,” Said the king of the beasts.
“Yea, come on by any day mates. I'll get out the Anzac biscuits and we'll have a cuppa.”, said their new friend.
“Are you a duck or a beaver or a seal or...?”
“P-L-A-T-Y-P-U-S, kid. You remind me of my hyper friend, The TAZ. Have you strolled over to his part of the Ark yet? He has some anger issues; maybe we can pray for him together now that we are friends.”
"Hey, great idea, said the lion. I've been praying for a ministry while I am here. Thanks for teaching my little friend about diversity. We’ll come again.
“We are all extraordinary mate. It’s how we glorify the Creator. Well, hooroo mates, until next time.”
” You talk funny too,” little bear giggled.
An extraordinary friendship began that day.
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I just LOVE that line. :)
And the TAZ having anger issues just cracks me up.
This is a really fun and creative entry. I felt the first part was the strongest and most enjoyable. I felt it maybe got a little bit(stepping delicately)
"preachy" and lost some of it's freshness and appeal. That's just my opinion.
You did a great job!
As far as mechanics:
Dialogue only should be enclosed in quotation marks, not the narration part.
Example: "Well, I am now," said the Lion. "What' up? . . ."
Very wonderful. I hope to find more of your stuff.