Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: The Reason for the Season of Christmas (12/04/08)
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TITLE: Sheer Genius | Previous Challenge Entry
By Valarie Sullivan
12/07/08 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
Mi casa, es su casa. Ha ha!
Have a seat by the fire.
Welcome to my province!
Care for some wine? Oh, yes. Only the best for my cellar. I have the finest available!
What is that you say? Oh, this wine is from the Tears of Despair. Best of the region, I might add!
Now, to get down to business….
I am sorry, Mr. Doubt, could you repeat that?
You noticed my decorations. Why, yes! It is that time on the earth! I have quite a collection of holiday memorabilia, as you can see. I absolutely love this time of year!
Now, do not look at me like that, Mr. Fear! This time of year is when I do my best work. Why, greed, corruption, materialism goes sky high! Debt rockets out the roof! Strife, division, families coming apart. The possibilities are endless!
And that is why I have called you all here.
My project this past century has been to promote Santa Claus. Ha! He is the most legalistic buffoon I have ever come across. “Making a list and checking it twice, finding out who’s naughty and nice”, indeed! It has been my greatest work, yet.
Which brings me to my next point.
Gentlemen, you all know my dear friend, Mr. Legalist. He has been working behind the scenes for years on other projects. I have asked him here tonight, to help us with the holidays.
No, Mr. Legalist, I will not speak that name! I call it ‘the Holidays’ and that is what it shall be!
Now, where was I? Oh, yes!
This coming century, I have a new project.
More wine, Mr. Unbelief?
This coming century, I would like to concentrate on taking You Know Who out of the holiday.
No, Mr. Fear, I will not clarify whom I meant! Mr. Confusion, I would ask you not to ply your craft while here in this meeting, if you please.
You should know what the original meaning of this season was. At first it was OURS, and then HE took it away and made it HIS. I intend to take it back!
And the first step was to promote materialism, get everybody to out-buy each other.
Get the people to want bigger and better! More technology! Quantity, not quality! Then Santa Claus! Plaster his face all over everything!
I will not calm down, Mr. Unbelief! It is high time we all got roused up and took action.
I have already started on this project by getting businesses to ban certain words spoken to their customers.
Mr. Confusion, you are certainly living up to your name. The words are “Merry You-know-who”!
I absolutely refuse to speak His name, especially in my own house!
Now, the sooner we get the people to forget the ‘reason for the season’ like I have seen on church message boards, the better.
The next phase of this operation is to get people to change the words on certain holiday songs.
For instance, Mr. Apathy, ‘Candle light’ instead of ‘Holy night’. How is that for genius?
Oh, it all has to be subtle! We cannot be blatant about it, at all, or the True Believers will rise up and come against us, and you know what happens, then.
Mr. Fear, do I have to spell everything out to you? Mr. Doubt, please explain it to him!
You all have your specialties; you have been working them for centuries. So, I don’t have to tell you how to do your jobs.
Mr. Apathy and Mr. Confusion will have big parts to play, especially this year. Mr. Doubt and Mr. Fear have been working together since the beginning and I have confidence that they will continue giving us their finest.
Now, Mr. Legalist will have tremendous impact this year. He has been whispering in True Believer’s ears about the pagan implications of this holiday. Paving the way for Mr. Confusion and Mr. Doubt. Soon, the True Believers will cave in and give us our holiday back!
Thank you, thank you. I appreciate your applause. It was sheer genius on my part, yes. Thank you.
More wine, everyone?”
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