Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: fathers (06/06/05)
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TITLE: Dear Dad | Previous Challenge Entry
By Sherry Hoffcastel
06/11/05 -
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I know we don’t talk or see each other as often as we would like. I wish that I could come over more often but family obligations prevent me, as I’m sure you know. It doesn’t keep me from thinking of you any less. You are always on my mind. It’s strange but when I try to conjure up a happy childhood memory of me with you it’s a little difficult.
I’m sure you know that my opinions of you were molded, shaped, and sculpted to fit the ideals of a family who despised you. I never to this day could completely understand why. You weren’t the one who was abusive or prejudiced or steeped in bigotry. You had a strong work ethic and sacrificed much to provide for your family, a family that would later wholly reject you as their father. You did the best that you could under the circumstances and I’ve always admired for you that.
Most of what I remember is that your parenting philosophy so greatly differed from mom’s that it has forever evoked me to continue to strive for excellence. You taught me how to ride a two-wheeler and how to go after the things I want with confidence that I will get them simply because I’m worthy. I’ve learned from your example to see beyond the scars to the beauty that truly lies within, not just on the outside surface. I watched you hunched over in determined discipline as you made restitution for a little girl’s broken heart by gluing together the pieces of a broken doll.
These are the fragments of what I remember. A tall, dark, mysterious man that I was never allowed too close to while I remained chained to punishment. While I served my penance for Mom’s pent up rage, you suffered silently. I would never know how much you ached for what could be until I was forced to abandon the only life I’d ever known and for once, draw my own conclusions about you. I gave up everyone’s approval to find out exactly who you are and find out why you have accepted me and loved me, when everyone else could not.
Your positive, encouraging words could not compare with the hateful angry messages I endlessly received from the other side. I believe it was your faith in God, which began long before I was thought of that I am alive and the woman you see today. At some point I believe you must have had an unshakeable faith, or how would it be so much a part of me as the air I breathe?
So I need to ask you what happened? I remember reading sermon notes and listening to Amy Grant and Petra tapes as a little girl. I was introduced to Christian music long before I could even spell the word music. What happened to the fire? It must have been magnificent. I hear of people who don’t know what it’s like to ever have lived outside of a Christian environment. Everyone in the home is saved. They all look forward to heaven some day.
What an amazing thought. I wonder if it could be that way for us again? I remember Vacation Bible School. At one time, you were teaching me the love of the Lord. Wouldn’t it be spectacular if we could lead the rest of the family toward the path of salvation? So I’m imploring with all the love in my heart. Please return to your first love. Please return to the strong, faith-filled man that I knew as a little girl. The days are evil and will soon be over. The world as we know it will be transformed in the blink of an eye. I don’t want to think about those dark days following our Lord’s return. I don’t want to speculate about all the people that will be left here, people I love and long to be with. You were my light in the dark and dreary cave I was forced to live in. Please be that light again. I so miss it. Until then I shall pray for you without ceasing. The rest I will leave to God, trusting that he who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. (Philippians 1:6)
I miss you Dad,
Love, your daughter
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