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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Easter (05/30/05)
Geogre walked into the foyer. At the door, a man and woman greeted him and handed him a bulletin. George returned
their greeting in a customary fashion. The bulletin was a single piece of paper folded into thirds which contained the
mornings itinerary, the hymns that were to be sung and the subject of the sermon that was to be presented. The bulletin
also contained a listing of the weeks events.
Walking in with George was his wife of 25 years. She had dark hair, blue eyes and stood 5 feet 4 inches tall. They
held each others hand. George glanced around the room. Everyone was dressed formally like they were attending a wedding
or eating at an upscale restaurant. Upon seeing Emily Walker, George's wife excused herself to engage in idle gossip.
George spotted Bill Hammer and walked over to discuss sporting events, local politics and the wheather.
After speaking with Bill, George entered the sanctuary. He was going to sit in the sixth row because that is where
he always sat but someone was already there so he had to sit somewhere else. He was just getting his bearings when he
felt a tug on the sleave of his shirt. When he looked over he saw a young boy sitting beside him with a big grin on
his face. "Guess what Mr. Patterson?" the boy started, "I got a huge chocolate bunny for Easter and I'm going to eat
it all by myself". The thought made George sick to his stomach.
The Sanctuary was filling up quickly and the noise level rose slightly. George's wife joined him and began to talk
to him. "The Nelsons have a new Grandson," She began. "His name is Justin and he has the bluest eyes you've ever seen
and can you believe the Parks painted their living room pink. I dont think they have any decorating sense at all."
George's wife continued talking but George tuned her out.
A man got up on the stage that was in the front of the sanctuary and stood behind the podium. He said a prayer
asking God to bless the service and when he began the sancuary became silent. When he was done a young women in her
early twenties went up to the stage and sat behind the organ. The man, who was still standing behind the podium
asked everyone to turn to a hymn in the hymn book. After that the woman who was sitting behind the organ began playing
and everyone started to sing. George did not sing because he didn't like singing. He noticed the hymn was written
in 1831 and thought that that was one of the problems with the church. The church was 150 years behind the times.
He had heard of a church across town that had electric guitars and a drum set but after thinking about it for awhile
he realized that he didn't like electric guitars anyway. The people sang more hymns.
After the singing was over, the man stepped off the stage and sat in the front row. Another man got up and stood
behind the podium and said another prayer, then they took an offering. After George had paid his tithe, yet another
man got up and stood behind the podium. This man was pastor Redding, who was in his early sixities. He had been in
the ministry for 40 years, once served on the district board, and was nominated for the position of district supervisor
once but he didn't make it.
George didn't pay any attention to the sermon. He was thinking about his son and daughter-in-law coming to visit.
George didn't approve of his sons decision to marry but since they have been married for eight years, he decided he
had been mistaken. George looked over at his wife. The service lasted an hour and a half before it was over and when
the Pastor gave the altar call seventeen people came to the altar for prayer. After the service George and his wife
visited in the foyer and then they went home.
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This article has been read 790 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
06/07/05
The strange line breaks made this story difficult to read. You might want to use the "preview" feature before you submit, so that you can see where your formatting has been lost and "clean it up" a bit for your readers. Spaces between paragraphs would help, too. Keep writing; your story had considerable merit.
Lynda Lee Schab 
06/08/05
Good effort. Your story was more "tell" than "show", however. Showing more, by using colorful descriptions of what is happening instead of simply telling what happened in a factual way, the reader becomes more connected with the story. The format did make it more difficult to read. If you don't already, try writing your article in Microsoft Word and then copying and pasting it to the challenge form.
It's evident you have a heart for writing. Keep it up!
Blessings, Lynda
LINDA GERMAIN 
06/09/05
I agree, you are on the right track, just need some technical tweeking. I found myself wanting to know more about the Pattersons. (By the way, that "preview before you submit button" is a life-saver for me. You get to see how the article will look before the final click). Be encouraged! :0)
dub W
06/09/05
As mentioned above, tough to read, but a viable story. Keep working, you have a natural flare for story telling.
Shari Armstrong 
06/10/05
A good portrait of what sadly happens all too often in churches. When people don't prepare their hearts, they can't hear the message. (check your format when you post -it was a bit distracting)
Michelle Burkhardt
06/11/05
Many attend church but don't have Jesus in their hearts. Nice way of pointing that out. However, I felt like the story ended without an ending. Keep giving!