Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of "Every Dark Cloud has a Silver Lining" (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (02/28/08)
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TITLE: The Watchman | Previous Challenge Entry
By Lynn Jacky
03/06/08 -
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Concealing themselves in the darkness, they waited to disturb my rest and discourage me for a second time. A distortion of evil so overwhelming had gained entry into the sanctuary of my room. Distinct, pugnent odors of burning flesh filled my nostrils while eerie, somber shadows flung wildly to an unheard rhythm across the moon-lit walls of my domain. Revealing three silhouettes, hunchback creatures so grotesque that I did not know what they were called. One stood at the bottom of my bed. The other two stood bent over, one, on either side of me, frantically trying to terminate my life.
I was forced to watch as four thinly wrinkled, long bony hands with powerful jagged half-charred fingernails desperately clawed toward me. Strands of long, stringy black hair moved wildly in tune with the sombre shadows that streaked across the walls. Eyes so tormented, swollen and blood-shot, glowed in the dark and seemed to protrude from their sockets. A tremendous pressure of evil stared at me with vile contempt and a hatred that served only to enrage their anger, piercing through me like a poisoned dart.
A command for self preservation automatically shot through my mind. "Close your eyes!"
My brain knew what I did not. I could not move. The pressure of fear had escalated into panic and from the top of my head to the tip of my toes, my entire body lay helpless, frozen and horrified at the thought of facing this terror alone.
The only touch I had with reality was the constant pounding of my heart. I tried to focus. I glanced at my alarm clock, it was mid-night. Unanswered questions shot through my mind. Why was this happening? What cause had these creatures to defile my room?
Weighted, I lay like frozen water beneath the cold pressure of winter's snow, not realizing what I could do. Suddenly, from the corner of my eye I saw the wonders of light, illuminating the situation for what it really was. Grotesque, as these creatures were, they could not harm me, as they had intended. A prism, an unseen presence, a reflection of many translucent colors was my protection. A see-through crystal dome lay over my entire person. These evil creatures could not touch me, nor I, them. They disappeared. I drifted back to sleep.
God's mercies are new every morning and through His light, scenes from previous night were revealed. I was not the victim, these creatures wanted only to scare and confuse me. I had stood between them and their intended foe. Someone they thought to be easy prey. My very best friend, Matthias.
I had recently joined the ranks of the Righteous Ones. Warriors who are called and chosen into the elite service of God, Most High. It was His Will that I experience this burden. Night after night, my bedroom became His battle ground. Through His strength I held my position and stood my ground. The highest honor a righteous warrior could ever receive is standing in the gap; like the watchmen of old, I took my place.
In ancient days, watchmen were stationed on the city walls. They blew their trumpets and sounded the alarm to warn people of dangerous attacks from their enemies.
A seasoned watchman could have a shepherd's anointing and guard the entrance gate. His friends, family and loved ones would sleep unafraid of the evil that lurked in the night. God, Most High would call and anoint the watchman to wrestle against principalities and the powers of darkness. By prayer and supplication he could commune with God to protect the innocent, the weak, and yes, even those who had gone astray.
Matthias returned, after what seemed like forever. He told many tales of his adventures in the inner city. How the Shaltane tried to kill him. He stood in the power and mighty presence of God, Most High and fought magnificently. Slaughtering the enemy with his two edged sword. I smiled, for I knew what he did not. In the heat of battle, I, too had tales to tell. I, Daniel his closest friend had stood by his side.
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I was left with a lot of questions, however--one of the problems of having to explain an alternate world in so few words. The last several paragraphs contained considerable explaining and summarizing, but I still felt a little bit lost.
You did a great job with creating your intended atmosphere.
A small note: watch for shifts from past to present tense.
I would like to read this as a larger work, with more time to go into detail and explanation of the story. I very much enjoyed the creativity of the writing.
I was a little confused in the part about protecting Matthias.
I assume this is part of a bigger story and things would be explained. I'm not sure it works too well as a weekly challenge entry.
Good (?) 'creepy' descriptions. Keep writing.
Laury